>>717058019
I spent 5 hours after what happened today writing an exhaustive letter to my dad about how miserable I am because of my horrible family and abusive upbringing and how much I truly despise my mother and his enabling of her
I wonder how upset I made him when he said he was in a good mood today because his cancer is going away or something (I don't care enough to ask anymore)
not like it's any different from the countless times this year I've had my extremely rare upswings and good moods completely cratered by him or my mother or both so I don't really care
at least now he hopefully knows how much I hate my life because of my family and my problems that I'm not able to address because of the hell I live in and I didn't have to lose my voice yelling over him until he started to beat me, at least when he wasn't old and decrepit enough and when I wasn't old enough to fight back
I basically blinked and 5 hours of my day was gone along with my optimistic mood from this morning and I had a paper's length of meticulously proofread misery and I actually sent it
I am tired of being denied peace and happiness by everyone around me
I'm tired of masking