>Be """man"""
>get used to masturbating to horrible porn and not thinking about the sexual fantasies and fetishes that deeply, leaving a void which will later be filled in with unprocessed pain, self-hatred, guilt, embarrassment, and shame to be filled in later when you realize porn isn't a genre of comedy but rather has a lot of social and psychological implications
>transition to woman
>realize that not only am I addicted to horrible sissy porn that invalidates my identity, but that there is no porn for me and nothing really fulfills me except sex; I can't just masturbate to relieve myself (my partner has a lower libido), I almost always have to supplement with disgusting man-porn and no; I do not mean man-on-man gay porn. Actually, a lot of it is lesbianism forced on some breeders for men to watch. Other stuff is me getting off to the idea of submitting, but I don't really want to submit to a fucking man... its gross, yet I get off to it anyway because I can't find anything better.
>consistent feelings of shame about sexuality that I can't seem to get over even with a loving and wonderful partner. Combined with the somewhat mismatched libido, the shame sometimes gets worse.
>But worst of all is the addiction to baby trans sissy shit that gives me my dose of submissive
content aimed at me and some sexual validation at the often immense cost of massively increased dysphoria, shame, imposter syndrome, and identity invalidation...
I didn't know a person could lay such a trap for themselves. I hate this so much.
I don't know what to do. I only have so much time with my therapist and we always go over time...
God I feel so disgusting. I'm not completely unattracted to men I guess but I... I don't know. This is so confusing. I thought I was bisexual now I don't know. And as you can see, my orientation is only the start of it. God help me.