Honmoder here
Honestly? I do it because I know I won't pass. I take care of my hair well enough that I dont get the frizz, but things like dressing and acting and voice... like, I can look in the mirror and see that I'm just not passing material. So instead, I choose to focus on the things that alleviate my dysphoria. I wear cute things that I like not for others for me. I do what work I can in my voice not because I expect to sound like a woman, but because the sound of my own voice makes me want to just go mute. I try to act more like what makes me comfortable and that ends up being somewhat but not all the way feminine. I ask people to call me she/her (and try not to get too upset if they wont) because being treated like a man is soul crushing. I wear bangs because theyre cute and better than showing off my 5head.
Because I am very visibly trans ("man in a dress", lol), I do my best to act in a progressive, egalitarian, and kind manner to everyone I meet and to be a good example. I am outgoing and use my natural charisma to make people feel more at home and help them understand that I'm just another person trying to live their life. Through this, I've made quite a few bigoted types openly renounce their opinions of trans people.
Am I always successful? No. Some people are hateful or just dont have the time. But I feel in some ways it is my role and purpose to be visible and positive.

Im very sorry you feel the way you do, OP. Look away if you have to. But know that I'm on your side even if you aren't in mine.