Maudlin of the Well

Im suicidal but what's kept me from following through is the idea of afterlife. I want consciousness as I know it to cease. I dont want to die and then suddenly be in some inter dimensional fractal dmt elf hellscape I cant even begin to process or conceive, and I definitely dont want to see anubis staring me down with the scale next to him. Please tell me its ends, I really dont want to do this anymore