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6/27/2025, 9:03:07 PM
>Ambivalent as always. She was unable to think into the future, as if she didn’t really believe it would come. Meanwhile, I’d made the mistake of allowing myself to dream. That woman had crash-landed in the dreamless desert of my life, and now look what she’d done to me.
>“I bet you care a little… And are you going to look for a job?”
>Maybe she wouldn’t need to work? Maybe all she wanted from her life was to be living together with her sister and doing nothing else. If that was the case, I’d just have to let it go.
>“I don’t need to worry about it…”
>“No? Why not?”
>She giggled. “Because I’m planning to die after leaving high school.”
>The rumble of the train sliced my head in half. For a moment, my ears shut down, and all sounds disappeared. I stopped resting my chin in my hand and very slowly, carefully lifted my head. I was used to looking away from Umi, but this time, I held my gaze on her beautiful profile.
>“What did you say?”
>“Huh? I’m planning to die.”
>The word pierced my ears, refusing to be drowned out by the thrum of the train running on the tracks. Hair rose on my back and arms, and I had the urge to flinch away. But I couldn’t do it while I was sitting down.
>“You want to die…? Seriously?”
>“Yeah. I’ll have to do it myself. I can’t ask anyone for help with this.”
>Umi’s forehead creased as she stared into space.
>“What’s the best way to kill yourself without causing anyone trouble…?”
>Was she muttering that to herself, or was she asking me to brainstorm with her? Please no.
>I struggled to find my words, as if my head had been stretched out, like, seven meters behind me. The thinking cells were too far from the rest of my body.
>“Sorry, but…what are you trying to say?”
>“I’m saying what I’m saying? My sister won’t love me anymore when I’m not a high schooler.”
>“I bet you care a little… And are you going to look for a job?”
>Maybe she wouldn’t need to work? Maybe all she wanted from her life was to be living together with her sister and doing nothing else. If that was the case, I’d just have to let it go.
>“I don’t need to worry about it…”
>“No? Why not?”
>She giggled. “Because I’m planning to die after leaving high school.”
>The rumble of the train sliced my head in half. For a moment, my ears shut down, and all sounds disappeared. I stopped resting my chin in my hand and very slowly, carefully lifted my head. I was used to looking away from Umi, but this time, I held my gaze on her beautiful profile.
>“What did you say?”
>“Huh? I’m planning to die.”
>The word pierced my ears, refusing to be drowned out by the thrum of the train running on the tracks. Hair rose on my back and arms, and I had the urge to flinch away. But I couldn’t do it while I was sitting down.
>“You want to die…? Seriously?”
>“Yeah. I’ll have to do it myself. I can’t ask anyone for help with this.”
>Umi’s forehead creased as she stared into space.
>“What’s the best way to kill yourself without causing anyone trouble…?”
>Was she muttering that to herself, or was she asking me to brainstorm with her? Please no.
>I struggled to find my words, as if my head had been stretched out, like, seven meters behind me. The thinking cells were too far from the rest of my body.
>“Sorry, but…what are you trying to say?”
>“I’m saying what I’m saying? My sister won’t love me anymore when I’m not a high schooler.”
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