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7/6/2025, 3:31:31 AM
>>509619310
Now do one with a burger.
Now do one with a burger.
7/4/2025, 7:19:24 PM
>>509504671
>Be American
>Wake up
>Drink a 2L of Dr. Pepper to get rid of headache
>Feeling hungry
>UberEats some McDonalds
>2 Big Macs and a large fries for a light breakfast
>Watch the driver drop off the order
>Tip him $10
>Wait 20 minutes at the door with a gun in case he returns and gets mad at the tip
>He doesn’t come back, glad you don’t have to shoot him like the last guy
>Eat breakfast and put on WalMart vest
>Get in car
>Feel thirsty on the way to work
>Go to 7/11, grab a 64oz slurpee and bag of Flamin Hot Cheetos
>Wait in line
>Guy in front of you shoots the cashier
>Try to get the cashier’s attention to pay
>He doesn’t respond
>Drop a $20 on the counter ($10.99 plus $9.01 tip)
>Arrive at WalMart for work watching self checkout
>Walk past 84-year-old greeter who is lying on the floor
>Work part time 12-hour shift
>Go to clock out
>Manager comes over
>He draws his gun and starts yelling at you for clocking out 30 seconds too early
>Start doing Happy WalMart Dance™ to appease him
>He claps his hands with glee and puts his gun away
>Crisis averted
>Walk back to car
>Two people fighting over a shopping cart
>Both draw guns and start shooting
>Bullet ricochets and hits you
>Bleeding pretty badly
>Call Uber to go to hospital
>Get dropped off at hospital
>Tip driver $50
>Get treated for bullet wounds
>Only $243,647.88. Score! Only have to leave a $35,499.53 tip
>Leave hospital
>See Uber driver walking towards you
>Uh oh
>He yells at you about the tip
>Cop walking by shoots him
>You go to thank the cop
>Cop clears his throat and holds his hand out
>You reach for your wallet to tip him
>No money
>Cop’s face gets red, he starts yelling at you
>”SIR! DROP THE WEAPON! SIR! STOP SMOKING CRACK! SIR! YOU ARE INTOXICATED! SIR! STOP RESISTING! SIR!”
>”But I don’t—“ you start to say
>”SIR DROP THE WEAPON!”
>He shoots you
>Go back to hospital
>Look at your phone
>It’s from work
>Fired from WalMart for being 5 seconds late to work
>Be American
>Wake up
>Drink a 2L of Dr. Pepper to get rid of headache
>Feeling hungry
>UberEats some McDonalds
>2 Big Macs and a large fries for a light breakfast
>Watch the driver drop off the order
>Tip him $10
>Wait 20 minutes at the door with a gun in case he returns and gets mad at the tip
>He doesn’t come back, glad you don’t have to shoot him like the last guy
>Eat breakfast and put on WalMart vest
>Get in car
>Feel thirsty on the way to work
>Go to 7/11, grab a 64oz slurpee and bag of Flamin Hot Cheetos
>Wait in line
>Guy in front of you shoots the cashier
>Try to get the cashier’s attention to pay
>He doesn’t respond
>Drop a $20 on the counter ($10.99 plus $9.01 tip)
>Arrive at WalMart for work watching self checkout
>Walk past 84-year-old greeter who is lying on the floor
>Work part time 12-hour shift
>Go to clock out
>Manager comes over
>He draws his gun and starts yelling at you for clocking out 30 seconds too early
>Start doing Happy WalMart Dance™ to appease him
>He claps his hands with glee and puts his gun away
>Crisis averted
>Walk back to car
>Two people fighting over a shopping cart
>Both draw guns and start shooting
>Bullet ricochets and hits you
>Bleeding pretty badly
>Call Uber to go to hospital
>Get dropped off at hospital
>Tip driver $50
>Get treated for bullet wounds
>Only $243,647.88. Score! Only have to leave a $35,499.53 tip
>Leave hospital
>See Uber driver walking towards you
>Uh oh
>He yells at you about the tip
>Cop walking by shoots him
>You go to thank the cop
>Cop clears his throat and holds his hand out
>You reach for your wallet to tip him
>No money
>Cop’s face gets red, he starts yelling at you
>”SIR! DROP THE WEAPON! SIR! STOP SMOKING CRACK! SIR! YOU ARE INTOXICATED! SIR! STOP RESISTING! SIR!”
>”But I don’t—“ you start to say
>”SIR DROP THE WEAPON!”
>He shoots you
>Go back to hospital
>Look at your phone
>It’s from work
>Fired from WalMart for being 5 seconds late to work
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