Let me explain.

One day, I woke up feeling comfortable.
Sheets were soft. Air conditioning was on.
My resting heart rate was 38.
That scared the hell out of me.

So I kicked my front door off the hinges, sprinted into the garage,
and ate half a sheet of drywall.

Why?

Because comfort is the enemy.
And calcium sulfate dihydrate builds mental fortitude.
Forget whey protein, I’m snorting spackle and shitting grit.

⸻

Midway through chewing, my gums started bleeding.
That’s when I knew I was doing it right.
Every crunch was a rejection of weakness.
Every swallow was a middle finger to mediocrity.

My neighbor came out, horrified.
She said, “You’re bleeding out the ears!”
I said, “That’s progress. Now shut up and bring me a sledgehammer.”

⸻

After breakfast, I ran 17 miles with the remaining drywall strapped to my back.
It was 104°F.
I hallucinated a bald eagle screaming “EMBRACE THE SUFFERING.”
Could’ve been real. Don’t care.