hey, i’m in my early 20s and recently started hrt (estradiol injections) again after putting it off for years.
i’m not trying to pass as a cis girl or go stealth or anything — i just want to feel soft, cute, feminine. i love the idea of boobs, smoother skin, fat redistribution, all that stuff. i want to blossom.

but at the same time, the thought of completely losing erections and orgasm ability gives me horrible dysphoria. i already have a long history of fap addiction and codeine use, so things aren’t perfect down there to begin with.

i’m currently on what i now realize is a pretty high dose of e (1ml/40mg a week), and i’m scared that i’ll just wake up one day and my dick won’t work anymore — like, permanently. that terrifies me.

i want to be on estrogen, i want to be soft, i want to be loved. but i also want to stay able to get hard and cum.
is there anyone who’s managed to keep function long-term? do i have to reduce my dose? is dht cream worth it?

feeling so lost and lonely, just want to connect and feel less alone in this.