>>105782495
>>105781773
Here's the second part of the guide - covering sharpeners.

If all that is too much information and you'd rather be spoonfed:
>I don't care about your advice I just want a knife that lasts long and I refuse to ever sharpen anything
Get 2-3 cheap ceramic knives. Once it dulls, throw it out.
>I don't think I can do the learning curve of a sharpening stone, and it seems scary
Pull through sharpener - resharpen your knives. If they suck ass, get a new one, preferably not too hard.
>I'm a functioning adult, what should I choose then?
Get a cheap combination whetstone. One side should be around 800-1200 grit, the other lower (anything below 600 is fine, aim for 300-400). With that you can resharpen your knives and even fix chipped edges. You'll have knives that cut through tomatoes like butter.
If you dislike your knives, based on the guide choose a shape and think about what size you want, then have a look what's on offer and check the material, that's the most important part. Alternatively get a knife locally, being able to hold them (such as in an ikea) is a good way to figure out what feels right and balanced.