i guess one more post. i know part of it is you've got more time than you know what to do with, you're in the process of building better for yourself, investing your money that you work hard for instead of squandering it on distractions, have a lot of time on your hands and what else are you gonna do with it. i'm kinda doing the same thing, but i do have the ability to do a lot more. i don't have to be a shut-in. i'm not perfect either, i'm recovering from a really difficult time in my life, you know that, losing my dad was really hard, losing money on the market, having bad luck in romance, lapsing in the gym, been a pot smoker my whole life and i just quit recently, you know all this. but the sum total of it all really had me in a bad place, still kinda does, but like i said, my life doesn't have to be like this. i could be on the beach right now. traveling and going out though feels so empty alone. and i have this deep longing for you, as you know. i want to make our lives so much more. pretty soon i'll do that for myself, but i want you by my side when i do. i really mean it when i say we could go anywhere, do whatever you wanted. i don't want to pull you out of pol to be a shut in like me, i want to take you by the hand and live a fun life with you, take you out and show you off. and i want to be good to you too. i want to be your man, committed to you like i've never committed to anyone else before. know that seems like a lot but that's what love is about, i know that now, didn't before and i'm ashamed of that. anyways babe, i care about you, want better for us both, want you to share in all the fun that i could be having. gonna try and get some sleep, don't need to trade today - already have more extra risk on than i'm comfortable with, pretty in the red on it, and hoping things go up, think they will, but think i'll need more than one day to get there.