My dad killed himself 2 days ago, just couple of days after my birthday. We weren't close at all, haven't seen each other or spoken together in over 11 years.
I honestly am not sure what to feel, I feel nothing. He wasn't much of a dad growing up, but it still feels I don't know... weird? Part of me thinks it's my fault like he was waiting for my birthday for me to reach out maybe and things would happen in a different way but then again he was an alcoholic so who knows.
I turned 26 and see myself ending the same way at some point.
Life is really weird, sorry for my slight rant I've got no one else to share this with.