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6/2/2025, 10:21:47 AM
>>39897660
>>39904832
K i've had time to rest and collect ny thoughts. Its not as if it went horrible. I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to do very well. It sort of hard for me in party environments especially talking to people I dont know or dont know well. I trive more in one on ones. In the end I never got to tell my coworker about myself and about who I am. I guess I just really wanted to be seen, and I never was, because I couldn't ever bring myself to talk about myself. And I feel sad because it's yet another person I could have potentially been very good friends with that I just let slip by because I was too afraid to just say hi. It happens a lot.
Also I guess I was upset that I was read as just a dude. I mean, I literally detransitioned, so makes sense, but I could just tell from the interactions. The queer women were sorta uninterested in talking to me it felt like, and the men at the party talked to me with very thick male socialization. It felt like I could just tell. It made me believe that even if I transitioned, I would never actually be seen, I would forever be a man. And from how it sounds, dating as a gay person is exceptionally hard, and I would imagine as trans even harder. So all of that together make me feel like my only real option in life is to stay as a man. And I really don't like being a man. I never have. But I don't think transition is right for me either.
It felt lonely. I know I don't know everyone that well, but it felt isolating. It felt like no matter how hard I try, nobody will ever be interested in me as much as I am of them. And I mean that in the friendship sense. I try really hard, and I am so interested in other people's lives, but nobody ever wants to get to know me.
I guess the one thing I really still have hope in is that there is still my other coworker. he's trans, and he's not going anywhere right now. I can still try to be better friends with him. But I feel sad.
>>39904832
K i've had time to rest and collect ny thoughts. Its not as if it went horrible. I knew that I probably wouldn't be able to do very well. It sort of hard for me in party environments especially talking to people I dont know or dont know well. I trive more in one on ones. In the end I never got to tell my coworker about myself and about who I am. I guess I just really wanted to be seen, and I never was, because I couldn't ever bring myself to talk about myself. And I feel sad because it's yet another person I could have potentially been very good friends with that I just let slip by because I was too afraid to just say hi. It happens a lot.
Also I guess I was upset that I was read as just a dude. I mean, I literally detransitioned, so makes sense, but I could just tell from the interactions. The queer women were sorta uninterested in talking to me it felt like, and the men at the party talked to me with very thick male socialization. It felt like I could just tell. It made me believe that even if I transitioned, I would never actually be seen, I would forever be a man. And from how it sounds, dating as a gay person is exceptionally hard, and I would imagine as trans even harder. So all of that together make me feel like my only real option in life is to stay as a man. And I really don't like being a man. I never have. But I don't think transition is right for me either.
It felt lonely. I know I don't know everyone that well, but it felt isolating. It felt like no matter how hard I try, nobody will ever be interested in me as much as I am of them. And I mean that in the friendship sense. I try really hard, and I am so interested in other people's lives, but nobody ever wants to get to know me.
I guess the one thing I really still have hope in is that there is still my other coworker. he's trans, and he's not going anywhere right now. I can still try to be better friends with him. But I feel sad.
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