Hello :) Consider this a microblog of sorts. I wanted to inscribe my thoughts somewhere where the tides will wash it away and will have no hope for reaching those my heart has claimed as dear.

Ever since I was born, my schizophrenic father insisted that I was the reincarnation of the Mother Mary. One day, I would give birth to Jesus. All of those sorts of thoughts.

I have always considered myself to be incapable of hate - I am simply unable to feel it. But his insisting upon it made me feel like nothing more than a doll, a slave to be used by a God that I didn't believe in.

After his episode was 'over', for the most part, he told me that everyone has a little piece of God within them that makes it possible so that they can create the world they please. That piece of God is your soul.

I have decided to reclaim my soul. I feel more connected to Mary now, though I do not believe I ever was her. My body is virginal, and I am purifying my soul every day.

I do not seek love, my body repels those with evil and impure energies so that they are expelled from my life, incapable of sullying me.

This higher state of being, being an unobtainable woman, makes it difficult, however, to find a man just as maddened by knowledge as I am.

It is a lonely existence. Every day I pray to my higher state of self to show me the right path, for someone to meld my heart unto, but all I get is pain. I suppose I must learn these lessons before I become "perfect" - as perfect as a human can get. I'm only as divine as a sinner, after all.