>>40320738
hmm..
personal experience is exactly what i need desu
but i dont know how to go about it. a youtuber i admire and watch because of a hobby of mine, happens to belive in god, and a lot of what he says makes sense to me. yesterday i was really struggling with my depression and questioning everything, and i randomly watched one of their older videos and it could have been me making the video, they described exactly what i was/am feeling. furthermore, they said they had a moment, an experience, and felt the presence of god and it overcame them and let them know they were seen and understood. this really tipped me over the edge, after having felt something was not quite right (or absolutely right?) for a while in regards to my beliefs. i had this odd moment a few weeks ago, i was really thinking hard about suicide, then for no reason, i snapped out of it and said to myself i can't commit suicide cause then i wont be allowed into heaven, this came out of nowhere cause ofc i dont follow a religion so that seemed weird. i hanged myself (unsuccessfully, whole other story) when i was 12, and even then i felt no presence of god, so why now? idk anyway i have other little things over the years which have opened my eyes a lil, small signs and such, but nothing that has actually made me believe. furthermore, i was raised kind of christian, baptised and whatever, so i guess any belief or spirituality i have, i just associate with this already established religion to which i have a tangential connection to, and put the face of god onto it. but, im open to all possibilities, all gods, and all religions, all beliefs, i think..