agp sucks because the harder you fight against it, the harder the fall is. i was such an agp coomer that i lied to my family about being trans and got on blockers before i even finished puberty. i remember feeling like a complete failure when it came to my urges, i even got a boner when i took my first hrt pills. same with girlmoding the first time, i even doubled up on underwear so it wouldnt show. reflecting back on it, i was pretty deep in denial for a long time about what i actually wanted out of my life. even after 5 years on hormones i still sometimes get agp arousal, but it tends to go away after a while. usually what i feel now when i see myself in the mirror is either joy that i look like a girl or pain that i dont look enough like a girl. like yeah, ill never be a real woman on the inside or the outside and that hurts, but at least i get to experience some of it. and the times when i feel completely there are so fucking amazing its like the greatest high ever, without any real lows afterwards, literal just pure joy no arousal no nothing. idk what to tell u but honestly i think that treating it like a curse does you more harm than good regardless of what you want your future to look like. accepting all of urself is hard but in the end its worth. i believe in u nona