>>527503832
idk, maybe i read too much mishima but i always think dying in front of your loved ones or people you like is unbecoming, like you are not only burdening them with the immediate impact of your death but also destroying your image in their minds, the last thing they'll remember is your wilting body, i don't want that, if they find my corpse that's not me, that's my corpse, the dissociation is there for them to cling to