im a a point where i dont really know what to do im just numb like there is nothing the only times i feel generally happy is when im drinking myself to death but obviously thats just a copin mechanism and im an alcoholic so its just a dopamine trigger
the things i get sad about i dont get sad about anymore
the things that made me happy dont make me happy
i just drink and smoke and like some fucking junkie its what i need to cope
i dont care for my exes
i dont care for my daughters mother or the fact i cant see her anymore because i know that ships been sailed
i do idealize suicide but i know id never do it because i am afraid of whats on the other end what if i am punished for taking the easy route out? 80 years of torment on this plane of existence is nothing compared to eternal damnation
im just at my wits end
i just want to stop being unhappy all the time
i want to die but what i want more is to live a content life
i just dont know what to do anymore