The Origins of the Bavarian Iron Man

In a quiet Alpine village nestled beneath towering peaks, a boy named Dietrich lived a simple life. But fate had other plans. One grim day, the village was overrun by the dreaded Polack hordes — portrayed in legend as barbarians and thieves, wielding wild cries and a shocking inability to screw in lightbulbs.

They pillaged the lands, stole the precious alpine cheese, and, in their chaos, kidnapped and raped Dietrich’s beloved sister, Liesel, leaving behind a trail of broken traditions and ruined saunas.

The Teutonic spirit of the village was crushed, but young Dietrich’s heart burned with a fierce resolve. Swearing vengeance, he forged himself into the Bavarian Iron Man, a cyborg — clad in unbreakable steel, a symbol of Teutonic will and precise engineering.

Fueled by memories of stolen, misused lightbulbs and lost family, Dietrich descended into his mountain forge. There, amid the fire and sparks, he began crafting the ultimate weapon: the Germanic Phallobomb — a colossal shaft of steel, meant to restore order and reclaim what was lost.

And so was born the legend of the Bavarian Iron Man — forged in pain, powered by pride, and destined to march forth against chaos and destroy the so-called nation of Poland once and for all, one thrust at a time.

Many such cases when dealing with the barbaric, wicked subspecies known as the Polack.