>>508805454
>beg for an external savior
Jesus died for me a sinner 2000 years before I was even born without my knowledge or understanding out of his own free will.
I never had to beg, he showed up, carried my sins on the cross and absolved me without me ever asking for it.

your entire view is a twisted abomination of the real deal. you want to be the hero of your own story when the hero already showed up. its pure pride and ego in its most basic form. youre obsessed with death, a schizophrenic paranoid psychotic husk of a person, seek help from God. you need it.