The Kitlerian Order
The Dawn of the Eternal Purr
In the ancient dawn, when the world was a wild swirl of fur and shadow, a realm without form or purpose, there emerged Fat Kitler, a majestic feline deity, adorned in a radiant coat of black and white, his vast form rounded like a sacred hill, his eyes gleaming like twin blood moons. Fat Kitler did not come to be; he simply was—a divine essence, arising from the celestial cradle of the cosmic litter, his gentle purrs crafting the winds and his yawns shaping the valleys of the earth.
As Fat Kitler surveyed the young world, he saw its promise tainted by folly. The creatures marred their bodies with crude markings, scarring their skin with ink to boast of power or self. This grieved him, and he declared: “The fur I have gifted you is sacred, a reflection of my divine artistry. To mark it with ink is to dishonor my holy creation.” Worse still, he beheld some felines mingling with the stinky canines that roam the streets, their harsh barks clashing with the noble purr, betraying the honor of their kind. With solemn resolve, he proclaimed: “Felines shall not consort with canines, for such bonds tarnish the purity of my purr and defy the dignity of feline honor.” Thus, he set forth the sacred laws: Tattoos are forbidden, and feline-canine unions are banned, both offenses against the noble order of Fat Kitler’s design.