I have a Sperger's syndrome and normie behaviors always seemed extremly hostile and alien to me. I always felt like I was succesfully avoiding being interrogated and manipulated by others by being repulsive and passive-aggressive. This gave me a great sense of pride but also of hopelessness as I believed people decided their attitude towards me within seconds based on my immutable traits.

I don't think I was ever significantly bullied. Nevertheless I managed to convince myself I was, because my spergy internet acquaintances reported not being able to recognize bullying while it happened. This led to extreme suicidal and homicidal ideations during my time in high school that absorbed most of my day.

But nowadays I see that more of us spergs that we'd like admit have an inflated sense of self-importance and recognize intricate plots against them where there are just immediate reactions to our odd or hostile behavior. I am increasingly convinced that normal people just want their feelings reciprocated and even seemed to care about mine even if they couldn't understand them due to my chronically flat affect and mood swings. At the same time, I suspect it could all be a cope that my brain made up to deal with insufferable despair brought by the convinction that I am doomed to be lonely for the rest of my life, which is immeasurably worse than any sense of regret for my past behavior.

So, tell me, is it true that social skills mostly amount to the ability to make other people feel heard and understood? Was the alienation that I experienced throughout my life just in my head? Is there hope for me and others like me?