why does my mom always side with my sisters even when they're abhorrent ? she once told me "You're like my fingers i can't choose one over another" but I'm actively suffering and tried to swimmer slide twice because of my sisters. this goes beyond kindness and crosses into active hate and apathy towards me. i just wanted to make her proud but now i just want to die and generally hate everyone involved with my family, because of them I've become mentally ill, i now freak out occasionally and hurt myself or others and i also experience frequent delusion(some of them turn out to be true though) where people are tricking me or lying to me to ruin my life again