I am still a 24 year old virgin schizoid doomer. I am no longer a wagie.

Some level of existential dread has set in , with thoughts like "I don't belong here" or "I'm terrible at fighting" or "I'm making a mistake". Overall things are still progressing, and I seem to have better boxing than some of the other people in the gym, though I usually get mogged by kicks anyway.

Recently, I had what can only be described as my first psychedelic experience, and it was through mere marijuana. Perhaps it was spice or laced with ketamine or something, or just hyper concentrated thc (it was 2x expensive as what I'd had prior), but nothing compared to this. I planned to just use my off day to get stoned at the nearby shop and walk the 20 second walk back home so I could listen to music, relax and goon, but the very first hit sent me to maximum high, and the one after elevated me into what was no doubt a psychedelic state of mind. I was stumbling and felt too nervous to go back home even if it was nearby since my lack of coordination was scary. I walked back in and asked if i could just lie on the couch for a bit. Time dilation never felt so severe, and I was practically hearing full conversations in my head, with the patterns on the checkout counter swirling and changing, and this one little patch kept morphing into various different pokemon depending on how I looked at it. I practically lost knowledge of my body and became solely a cerebral entity. The guys there were nice and gave me free water and what I think was chocolate milk, saying I need sugar. I felt a mild sense of anxiety but was mainly just nodding off for 2 hours that felt 2 millenia, and reflected on my life, background, and some of the things that pained me. I realized I should avoid frivolously spending my trip being lazy and reckless. The majority of the voice leaned to saying that I'm strong at heart and just need to keep staying strong, but also to be kinder and not self flagellate too harshly should I fail