Well, I've traveled this ol' world of ours from Akron to Dubai
I've smoked an Injun's peace pipe and ate an Esmiko's pie
I've seen manticores in Myanmar and a Skunk Ape in the South
And made out with a meth head who still had teeth in his mouth

I've seen live Uighurs in China
And a priest who won't touch minors
But I've never met a nice Israeli Jew

"No, he's never met a nice Israeli Jew
And is that any surprise to you?
'Cause we're a bunch of arrogant bastards who hate brown people!"

I got prescription titty skittles after less than five years wait
And I know a ladies' restroom where AGPs don't masturbate
I know a stone butch dieseldyke who's not a raving terf
And I've met a Dark Souls fan who's fine that Havel's Ring got nerfed

I've met a non-autistic enby
And a Frenchman who was friendly
But I've never met a nice Israeli Jew

"No, he's never met a nice Israeli Jew
And is that any surprise to you?
'Cause we're a bunch of undiagnosed Cluster Bs who bite baby peckers!"

I've met black folks in Chicago who act more like men than apes
And I've dated cis-het women and they never once cried rape
And a few dysphoric boymoders who still let me give head
And I've even heard a decent song by that lol cow Imbred

I've met a furry, too
Who wasn't a filthy zoo
But I've never met a nice Israeli Jew

"No, he's never met a nice Israeli Jew
And is that any surprise to you?
Because unlike most Jewish folks, we've got no sense of humor!"