Therapy can be hard. I think a lot of people have had adverse experiences, which can have been anything under the sun. You sound like a strong person per your description and it's impressive you're allowing yourself to be weak, which is what therapy sometimes involves. I think persisting from a childhood of neglect like this isn't a sudden decision obviously, but something that's maybe oftentimes a lot more layered in the sense that it's not overcome like winning a fencing duel or even like defeating a goliath like opponent in a way that's that definable and obvious. Nonetheless OP I think you're trying to do something good for yourself and that's admirable in itself in my opinion. I think most people at some point or another want to do what we oftentimes think of as "good" in a general sense, and that's what keeps my personal faith in humanity to some extent