I was too vulnerable and friendly when young. I think Americans misunderstood my Empathy and offered Sympathy back. Made a smart boy a class clown because they didn't get me and black culture swept even the AIG students. I should have been a rape beast, I once had an entire class of girls tell me they'd thought of having sex with me. Still couldn't get it up my first time with a GORGEOUS girl.
Sometimes I think Justin Chiochio showing me porn and doing helicopter dicks at a sleep over and asking to "do sex" together but I insisted no. Sometimes I think that all mattered more than I let myself understand. Its been two full decades now, I actually have had a couple successful relationships and sexual dynamics. I love my body right now. I like my personality. I wish porn didnt fuck me up so much, I worry for the girls I hurt in lust and the years I wasted. And I still think I shouldve just been evil. So many years now of sitting on a porch peering at the moon.