>>40175204
i think itd be very cathartic for me to be in a relationship like that. i hate that my mind associates abuse with love, but having someone hurt me, only to care for me and love me afterwards would be so healing for me. i also cut but having someone do it to me lovingly instead of me being alone and crying doing it would be so much better.
im in a similar boat as you that my girlfriend doesnt know any of this about me. i tried testing the waters a lil by asking what she thought about pacifiers and later asked about sadism/masochism stuff, but she acted weirded out both times, so that was the end of that.