>>33361857
Great question. I have had one main girl/ex girlfriend, BPDemon we were totally codependent in college and I made a million mistakes. I carry a lot of nonsense and fear from that, she'll have a book written on her it's called the DSM6. I also carry wisdom and experience, so if I catch a new girl acting a way I don't like I can just leave and set boundaries now. Anyway we dated on and off for nearly 7 years. It really wasn't that serious in hindsight I knew we would never marry, and when I finally moved out and got my own place it all got worse I became more isolated less able to approach girls. In total I've slept with 4 girls, sexual stuff with around 10, I dated many actually when in HS growing up but I was always sensitive and frankly dismissive like they could say 1 or 2 things wrong and I'm out. I like being alone, but the loneliness is killing me and maybe I just don't really believe in relationships considering I've never been allowed to be in a real one. And everyone gets divorced or cheated on or soft cheated on. I am very "black pilled" but also NO everyone is seeing that things are shit that's why I want help. Do I have to run another 5000 miles? I'm already lifting I'm finally lifting and getting strong my dad was an alchy and the inherited rage scared me and made me want to be weak. I'll just be more patient I think ty for listenin to all these dumb words