>>212123347
That’s part of where my frustration and despair stem from. I know lots of people personally who have terrible relationships or who have gotten out of one. It breaks my heart, and makes me wish all the more that I could get that kind of deep, intimate “soul mate”-type relationship everyone chases. So many people who are in relationships simply do not understand what they have.
>>212124059
Thank you, anon. I needed to hear this. Especially
>Don't ask for God's help and swat his hand away.
>>212125027
It’s less about not having children and more about not having someone who cleaves into me as I cleave into them, who knows me completely and still loves me all the same, as I do the same for them. I want someone I can retreat from the entire world with. Having children is so far removed from my mind right now not only because I don’t have anyone but also because, truthfully, I can’t stand them. I borderline hate them, and I hate myself so much for it. I’m not an antinatalist by any means, but my own shortcomings have me locked into this feeling that I could never be a good boyfriend or husband, let alone a good father. That my nieces and nephews love me so much and view me like I’m their best friend breaks me even further, because they don’t know how hard it is for me to want be around them and how bad I feel about it.
>>212126239
Thank you, anon. I guess to more properly characterize my despair, it’s less about a legacy in the sense of long-term global or societal remembrance and more that I just don’t feel like anyone I personally know would actually miss me if I disappeared. I know in reality my friends and family would, but I just can’t imagine why.