>>40608130
I know your pain. What you need is a change of mindset. Personally, realizing mistakes I'd made, no matter the cost, weren't who I had to be.

"You can't change the past. The only thing that matters is what you do in the future."

I know it's a corny movie quote, but a friend told me that and pulled me out of the abyss. I was DYING of alcoholism after years of taking massive Ls. My body was failing, my conscious mind became a stranger and I still couldn't eliminate the pain of what happened to me from ages 7-13.

But when he told me that, I knew I had two choices
a.)suffer more and more until an undignified death
or
b.)put the past to rest and take control of my life

I'm still not all the way back, but I know I can only blame myself if I fail. It has to be all or nothing, but it doesn't have to be quick.

Anyway, I probably just dumped this for no reason but I hope it helps you, dear anon. It's not over until you decide it is.