>>40048692
>"sexual harassment as male dominance"
Hm, with your past teaching you to fear the outcomes of bullying, unwillingly reacting to this by shutting down or freaking out makes good sense, to be honest. As you said theres always the fear that if it’s happening to others now it could happen to you later, so what you’re feeling is probably your body preparing to run away from a threat it doesn’t know how to defeat.
>Just any time it gets busy, and I feel like I'm failing to stay on top of it all
>when my performance in my job is questioned
>when I'm out in public and just feel like there's too much going
Based on that I guess we might be able to narrow it down to a fear of:
1) loss of control/power
2) failure to perceive surroundings and situations
3) loss of social standing/failure to meet demands
(Sorry if thats way off. Feel free to correct me.)
A good start to finding more specific triggers would be focusing in on threats to these fears, trying to do a rundown of which specific actions/sensations/whatever feel the worst within that context.
Write a timeline of some past experiences where you shut down, if you can, with one side of the paper containing what happened and the other side containing your emotional state and reactions, then try comparing different timelines to each other.
It can be pretty uncomfortable however, so I suggest doing it slowly.