>>49530993
Dunno about you, but I kinda fetishized hikkikomori lifestyle. I couldn't wait to live alone, in a small room or a basement surrounded by trash and anime figures, and spending all my time on 4chan, watching anime and playing games. That was my ideal life in high school and shortly after, that I couldn't pursue while being underaged and forced to go to school and all that shit (or so I thought).
I fetishized and idelized otaku's pale skin, and black sunken eyes, and weak physical strenght. I even fetishized being socially incompetent and having delusions, like the mc of vn chaos;head whom I considered a total badass and even wanted to rent a shipping container to live in for a while.

That was my ideal. And I reached it. But, I am not as happy as I used to be back then. Partly because the world has changed, otaku community is gone as many replies in this thread explained. And another reason is that I changed. Even if I were to turn back time and go back to these golden years of /jp/, chances are I wouldn't be able to enjoy things as much as I used to, because my brain and perception of reality changed with age, time, trauma, damage, drugs, alcohol and all that. I am a different person, tho my core is still the same.

This is not unlike my waifu, Akemi Homura, turning back time to redo her meeting with Madoka, only to discover she can redo the actions but not the feelings she once felt. Like zoomers like to say, she's so based and peak, isn't she?