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7/3/2025, 3:00:04 AM
>>57965590
“Forever in Green” by Reunianon
>https://rentry.org/cc4reuni
>https://rentry.org/cc5reuni
Great job depicting the interactions between Al and Beth (you always portray their relationship very well). While their initial reason for pretending to be human felt weak and unrealistic to me, it was cool to see the duo discuss it in ch4 and decide what to do about their deception. I also liked their talk at the end of ch5, since it was wholesome and added some nice insight to Beth. The way you incorporated the Q&A questions in ch5 was smart, too.
The writing was descriptive but got purple and overly sentimental at times, like the description of the morning in ch4 and Al’s thoughts at the very end of that same chapter. Similarly, some dialogue felt stilted, particularly Jung and Sara’s. Speaking of those two, the part where Al/Beth got lost and met Linoone/Debby and Jung/Sara felt unnecessary and kinda hindered the pacing, since it didn’t develop the plot or characters much. On the other hand, I liked their discussion about why people turn to crime, which tied into Al and Beth’s pasts nicely.
I had some issues with the logic of the plot—for instance, why Al and Beth left town entirely if they were just looking for a store, and why Charlotte and her friends had a long talk about private matters right in front of waiting customers. Similarly, I found it odd how it’s treated like such a huge deal when this duo joins the guild, considering most newcomers merge into the group with no fanfare. I wish there was more justification for these guys to get such a special welcome compared to everyone else—for instance, they could’ve made a bigger lie and claimed to be celebrities/heroes instead of just regular humans. That could’ve been an interesting angle to try.
Regardless, these were some nice chapters. I look forward to your team’s continued interactions with the guild.
That was a lotta words, but I hope everyone finds the feedback helpful.
3/3
“Forever in Green” by Reunianon
>https://rentry.org/cc4reuni
>https://rentry.org/cc5reuni
Great job depicting the interactions between Al and Beth (you always portray their relationship very well). While their initial reason for pretending to be human felt weak and unrealistic to me, it was cool to see the duo discuss it in ch4 and decide what to do about their deception. I also liked their talk at the end of ch5, since it was wholesome and added some nice insight to Beth. The way you incorporated the Q&A questions in ch5 was smart, too.
The writing was descriptive but got purple and overly sentimental at times, like the description of the morning in ch4 and Al’s thoughts at the very end of that same chapter. Similarly, some dialogue felt stilted, particularly Jung and Sara’s. Speaking of those two, the part where Al/Beth got lost and met Linoone/Debby and Jung/Sara felt unnecessary and kinda hindered the pacing, since it didn’t develop the plot or characters much. On the other hand, I liked their discussion about why people turn to crime, which tied into Al and Beth’s pasts nicely.
I had some issues with the logic of the plot—for instance, why Al and Beth left town entirely if they were just looking for a store, and why Charlotte and her friends had a long talk about private matters right in front of waiting customers. Similarly, I found it odd how it’s treated like such a huge deal when this duo joins the guild, considering most newcomers merge into the group with no fanfare. I wish there was more justification for these guys to get such a special welcome compared to everyone else—for instance, they could’ve made a bigger lie and claimed to be celebrities/heroes instead of just regular humans. That could’ve been an interesting angle to try.
Regardless, these were some nice chapters. I look forward to your team’s continued interactions with the guild.
That was a lotta words, but I hope everyone finds the feedback helpful.
3/3
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