(2/2)

There isn't anywhere I can turn to for relief, because absolutely nothing about my story or daily experience is unique or special. There are countless anons out there struggling with far worse and not even complaining about it. At least not publicly. And every online "community" out there even has rules against "trauma dumping." I know for a fact no one wants to hear this shit. When you're a grown ass man, you're on your own. Only you can hope and cope to make anything about your life better.

But I can't. I'm trapped. I could never afford property. I'm too retarded and bad at everything to make my own house. I have no prospects for a "career." Even the #vanlife hobo meme dream is shockingly out of reach. So I just drift through this bullshit every single night, wishing I was almost anywhere else, or at least dead. I literally don't deserve better, but I cannot continue like this indefinitely.

And that guy who never paid me back, who was supposedly my "best friend" is now dying alone of cancer. I feel zero schadenfreude or joy about this. It destroys me daily, in fact, because it's just one more thing I can do nothing to change, and one more person I failed. He wouldn't even want me to visit him. Fuck, man, everything sucks. Thanks for reading my blog.