i think the internet raised me wrong. like i learned how to exist through people who don't exist. girls in anime, whiny angst ridden fag playlists with, vaporwave gifs of a shopping mall in 1993, a time when 3rd spaces existed. i think something broke in me during covid and never came back. i missed my years of social growth. i missed my "first party" phase. my "get embarrassed at school and cry in the bathroom" phase. i just fast-forwarded through it all alone in a dark room, unemployed playing tomidachi life until 3 A.M. time passing listening to fucking drain gang or mopey shoegaze like that meant anything.

where I live(the midwest) there is like nothing to do and the lack of 3rd spaces makes it feel almost liminal sometimes, especially when the pandemic came. I kind of liked it because for once it was like normies were in my shoes I'd been in all my life being a "weird" girl. i spend hours making eye contact with myself in the front-facing camera, wondering if i'd like me if i didn't know me. Life has sort of just passed me by and like i've been in a capsule since 2019. if anyone else feels like they got lost somewhere between 2019 and now please let me know. most of my socials are literally my trip name(snap im def sure)