>be me
>suffer catastrophic brain tumor as a kid, lose all childhood memories
>haven't been the same since
>remaining teenage years is dotted with trauma and poor choices
>ffw to today
>In 3 year long relationship. I don't know how to love
>mental health starts deteriorating, relapse, start lying and intentionally getting worse
>relationship falls apart
>end up in psych ward, lie the entire time
>still not better

>mfw she was the only one who cared
>mfw she was the only one who loved me despite my hundreds of flaws
>mfw it's all my fault

what do I do. I've stopped caring for myself and lost all interest in the few hobbies I enjoyed. I have no social life other than the occasional hookups with the most unattractive men. and I actually can't stand men after dating a girl for so long

every time I'm in a relationship all I can do is lie and fake love because I don't know how to. all I can do to cope is to get worse because of how comforting it is to be at rock bottom

do I just end it all before the nukes drop