Back in March I made plans that I should kill myself right before or on my 30th birthday. Its a decent amount of time to give myself since its a little bit over 6 more years and the only thing stopping me from doing it any sooner is that I want to see if the one thing that give me a purpose will actually amount to anything. I feel more retarded over the fact I made an off hand joke about killing myself at the specific date and I have no idea if they actually remember it and no way in hell I'm going to ask them cause THEN they're actually going to worry or pretend to care or something I don't fucking know