>>40761849
>why does life allow it? how to deal with it?
Maybe because God allowed it? If he/it/whatever created everything then he/it/whatever created the state you're in now, so maybe you're supposed to learn something from it or accept it.
>bu-buh im so existentially wrong and evil
Well, maybe it's OK to accept that you're wrong and evil AND that you don't want to be that way. It is what it is idk.