>>33322024
Right, I've spent the past five hours mulling your words over.
Haven't slept all night, and now it's mid-morning.
Psychiatric help sounds very reasonable. Bit concerned about the language barrier.
Thank you for the advice.

>You're very lucky that you don't have a family or partner that has to go through this right now, and frankly you shouldn't include anyone else in the destructive force
I interpret this in two ways:

1. Wife and child are actually bad goals, especially if I'm only doing it to quell whatever's going on with me.
It's still something I intend to pursue, albeit hopefully once I'm in a better state of mind.
I shelved those childhood life goals of job, house, wife & kids a long time ago.
I now think that was a mistake: I think I let social anxiety and neuroticism get the better of me all these years.
I'll fall on my face a lot. I'll get hurt. I'll stand back up again.
That'll just be reality of not having used my teens and twenties, to gather dating experience.

2. Confessing my feelings to my crush was also a mistake, especially since she's in a very stable long-term relationship with someone else.
Yes, I do think that.
I'm also not settled, on whether to keep my mouth shut on the topic permanently
or open that Pandora's box up again and let all good will burn.
I don't know, what will give me closure, to move on.
It's funny, what mental anguish it takes, to make a man spill the beans
on the one thing he vowed to take to his grave, and that to the last person
he should do so.
And I'd been doing so well — for so many years.
I wanted to leave her unburdened.
This'll definitely be an area, where a psychiatrist can help me.

>you're spiraling
Could you elaborate on this point?
I mean, sure: I'm acting out in a terrible manner; but I might be missing some of the finer details.