.KRAMER:
Jerry, Jerry, Jerry! It’s happening! Big money! Big morals! It’s the perfect crime — without the crime!

JERRY: (calmly)
You’re out of breath and you’re quoting yourself. I already hate this.

KRAMER:
You ever hear of the Canada Express?

JERRY:
Is that a train, or a bad idea?

KRAMER:
It’s me, Jerry! I’m the Canada Express! I drive them right to the border! I even made little maps with a dotted line!

JERRY:
Them? Who’s “them”? You’re not transporting wild animals again, are you?

KRAMER: (whispers)
Illegal immigrants, Jerry!

JERRY: (drops spoon)
Oh no.

KRAMER:
Oh yes! They think I’m getting them over the border to Canada, where it’s all legal weed and healthcare!

JERRY:
And are you?

KRAMER:
Not exactly.

JERRY:
Kramer.

KRAMER:
I get them in the back of Newman’s mail truck... I put on some Gordon Lightfoot... they relax. They trust me. Then right when they think they’re crossing into Ontario — bam! ICE facility in Albany.

JERRY: (stares)
So instead of smuggling them out of the country… you’re smuggling them into custody.

KRAMER:
That’s the genius part! It’s reverse smuggling! I give them hope... then I monetize the disappointment!

JERRY:
Kramer, that is monstrous. You’re like the world’s worst Uber driver.

KRAMER:
I provide a service! You know they give you a bounty for turning people in? Newman says it’s “federal appreciation cash.” That’s real money, Jerry! I’ve already got punch cards printed!

JERRY:
You have a loyalty program for betrayal?

KRAMER: (proud)
"Ten passengers, one free ICE duffel bag."

JERRY:
You’re tricking people who are desperate, confused, scared—into walking into a trap. And you're doing it in a government vehicle with a soundtrack!

KRAMER:
I made them sandwiches, Jerry! Turkey and provolone! I'm not a monster.

JERRY:
What happens when they realize you lied?

KRAMER:
Oh, we’re long gone by then. We call it the “dump and dash.”