For the sake of brevity, this scene from Bojack Horseman is literally me. Bojack that is.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-zCAD1M7Y18

>I wanted to be better when you saw me again. And I thought I could be somehow, but I'm not. And even if I did get better, the best I could ever be is still just some other version of me.

I have a history of mental illness, mainly a really bad case of OCD (professionally diagnosed), probably some form of ADHD (only professionally discussed), and I'm afraid of letting people into my life, because I don't want them to see how fucked up I truly am. I am superficially charismatic and outgoing, so people are often confused, sometimes upset, when I withdraw for extended periods of time with no warning. Diane's words here really struck a nerve with me.

>I can't wait for you to be better.

Should I tear down my walls and let people into my world, despite how ashamed I am over the state of it? I'm tired of holding out for better times that never seem to come. Anyone else here with a history of mental illness that have experience with this?