>>40347329
if you don't want to transition you have to cut all that shit out of your life. no more vr larping no more crossdressing no more internet trans spaces, you shouldn't interact with any trans/queer people in general. get drunk/high/substance of choice to manage yourself when it gets too bad. start taking testosterone and bodybuilding, get involved in some classically male groups that will hold you accountable to your masculinity.
you'll still end up cracking somewhere down the line, probably in a far worse spot than you are now, with a couple addictions and some truly insidious fetishes picked up to cope with the feelings

or you can keep going the way you are and crack your egg sooner. idk what that means for you specifically, ig you can look into the effects of hrt on your body and maybe ffs options? just from reading the thread, idk how far you'd want to take ur transtion, that's up to u