>>24554760
>>24554748
The problem i'm having is that I want to write the zero-personality story people have read ten times for very briefly moment before I going make fun of tropes or go into original ideas. It comes off like a blurp because I'm trying to get through that part as quickly as possible, but that clearly wasn't quick enough. Thank you for the feedback guys. I'll probably keep that part to 1-2 paragraphs instead or start at a different scene.

Also i wanted to have obxinous prose at the start because I thought the contrast would be funny, but now I'm thinking more about people clicking off too early so maybe I'll cut it down a bit? Probably less of an issue if I keep it too one paragraph instead of two. More brainstorming for tomorrow I guess. I'll probably ask for feedback on other stories I'm working on later since everyone here seems pretty chill
>>24554172
Thanks you too!