I can't commit to my health because I can't control my impulses for fast food and weed and I don't know how to change that.

I was counting calories for a single fucking day two weeks ago, and am now 340.6 pounds instead of 333.5.

I really want to just be dead, I'm not improving and Sam Hyde said my life was over anyway, but I don't even take steps to kill myself. I just exist in this state of self-hate and I can't even ask you guys because they've heard that so many times they don't want to help it so I know if I'm at that stage I SHOULD kill myself but I can't. Could someone here come and kill me, or is that a not your personal army thing?