I accepted that my weight is never going to be "enough" in my eyes unless i make peace with myself. I can enjoy life again and still continue to lose weight so i can look and move better. I don't need to be 10% body fat 10+ kg underweight to enjoy life like a normal human being because that's years away from now on, not being a disgusting fat fuck with 40 bmi and 40%+BF is enough.