indecision's getting worse again this night, I find myself doing more and more stuff that's bad for me just because I want to be kept awake so as to have to avoid a consequence when there's no perfect option
I can work on the filler work, then be bit tired for the meeting
I can work for the meeting, then risk two days late on the filler work
I can sleep, risk missing both
i've been on this board for two hours
even lurked through an ex's page after I saw a watamote image
in moments like these I'm not directed by my virtues anymore, just internet-induced randomness and slop
feel that I've been waiting for a reply but that's just silly of me i don't know why I fixate on retarded things like "need to stay awake for reply" until the state I was in back then when typing becomes an increasingly different me right now who's making all of these decisions to force wakefulness without a plan

it's embarrassing for me to admit but I honestly think I'm needing external reinforcement here, and I don't like to be in such a state because I was doing so well a few days ago before I got stopgapped