Heat Wave Edition
previous: >>40211079 >>40217248 (both premature)

Goal of the thread: Go out for a walk, or try to get any other form of small exercise (walking stairs for 5 mins for example)
Daily goals can be repeated. Remember to keep score, it can only go up!

>What is this thread for?
Getting better is hard, and sucks. A lot. It does not get easier doing it alone.
Share resources and experiences with combating depression, anxiety, personal issues, achieving or maintaining a healthy weight, etc.
>Why is this thread /lgbt/?
Struggles with mental and physical health are an indisputable part of /lgbt/ life, be it from dysphoria, social pressure, heartbreak, or just unfortunate lifestyle choices.
>Notes to consider:
Please be civil. Shame is your greatest enemy in fighting urges of self abuse (be it sh, drugs, or just self deprecation). Relapsing into bad and unhealthy habits is to be expected, the goal is to increase the average amount of time it takes between relapses. Any improvement is a victory no matter how small. Your worth and right to get better are non-negotiable. And most importantly:
WE ARE NOT THERAPISTS, WE DON'T REPLACE MEDICATION
>Note on advice
Generic advice won't necessarily help you in particular, but for those it does it is an essential foundation to build future progress on, not a miracle cure. Do not underestimate the effects subtle changes to your lifestyle can have. Try first, keep us posted on your progress, build from there.

We are *always* short on self help resources, so if anything was useful to you, let us know!
Since the OP is getting too long I moved all resources into their own post, see below!

## RESOURCE LINKS:

Resource link paste: https://sntry.cc/sig-resources-2024-04
General advice from Anons: https://sntry.cc/sig-tips-2024-04
Posts from other sites (markdown format): https://sntry.cc/sig-posts-2024-04

>>40229210 (OP)
im going on a date with a pretty lady i met on here later today :33

Apart from the GOTT, here are a few things you can do _today_ to make your life a little better. Keep a diary and write down every success. Some you may do as often as you please, but write down each one individually! You deserve it! Do not feel pressured to do all, but feel free to select one or two!

- DRINK A GLASS OF WATER
- prepare 1 load of laundry
- do 1 load of laundry
- read one page of a book or manga you have been putting off
- cook yourself a meal, or try learn to make a simple dish
- eat a meal
- pick up items on the floor for 5 minutes
- make your bed
- if you have a bad habit, try making it more inconvenient (putting things in hard to reach places for example)
- do the dishes for 3 minutes
- write down one thing you are grateful for (from abstract things to something like a cute image you saw)
- Clean up 1m^2 of your floor (~40x40 in)
- Open your window for 10-20 minutes
- try to exercise for 5 min (walk outdoors, walking stairs, whatever you wish)
- take out the trash
- put one item of trash in the bin
- reach out to an online contact
- BONUS: Repeat a goal to hit a milestone (1 book chapter rather than a page, the laundry pile, the floor of one room, etc)
- BONUS BONUS: DRINK ANOTHER GLASS OF WATER

Unofficial group chats maintained by kind anons of /sig/:
IRC: I believe the IRC channel is defunct, correct me if I'm wrong.
Discord: https://discord.gg/pUuXdBjKX2

>>40229236
what kind of thread did u two meet??

Alright everyone, a lot of posts got swallowed up in the past two threads expiring. I will recover some not replied to posts from the past threads of mine and repost them here so people who don't constantly monitor these threads have a chance to read them without trawling the archives. However, right now I gotta work so I will do that later.

>>40229236
Do have fun, Anon! I hope you have a lovely time.

>>40229256
i dont remember, it's about a week back now
i only remember it was a normal one instead of frengen or whatever

>>40229210 (OP)
goals i have for this next week
>meditate daily again, with vagus nerve stimulation
>fix my sleep schedule
>go out in girlmode and be brave when i go out to get labs
>when i do get labs, dont constantly scan the room to see if anyone is staring at me
goals i have long term
>figure out a budget that allows me to save $500/month
>pay off credit card debt
>learn how to be a better girlfriend

The feeling of never being good enough, of never having value except the value attributed to a machine. The feeling that improvement is impossible and I will never be something worthy of consideration, nothing resembling a person.
A while ago someone used me as a sex toy, just an object to spice up a relationship with someone else, not even a unicorn. After I walked away she pretended to want to be my friend, but I knew it was a lie. She couldn't be bothered to reply to me. Sometimes it still hurts and I wonder if that that's all I'm good for. She didn't express disgust when she was using me. Maybe her friends are right and I'm a narcissist for thinking I'm anything more than that. They pretended to be my friends too, but it became obvious they didn't care about me either and just wanted their friend to have her plaything back.

>>40229272
Post all those summer demons…
This is a threat

>>40229362
:(

>>40229210 (OP)
>>40229272
Damn these women look fine in a swimsuit.

>>40229362
they didnt care about who you are

>>40229210 (OP)
Hi, estronon here, haven't been here in a while.
Yesterday, I finished couch to 5k! It's been 18 + 1 runs. I ran 5.7 km with a 6:05 min/km pace on my last run, I'm pretty slow :( I want to improve my speed again, but I'm afraid of getting injured if I'm not careful. I'm not quite sure how to move on with my training, but I know I want to keep jogging 3 times per week for now, it is pretty nice having that structure.

Other than that, I've been reading quite a bit, which was nice. BMI is 18.7 right now, so that's alright, but I've had quite a few days the last two weeks or so where I binge ate and threw up. I've been doing pretty well before that, but I got rejected *again* by some psychiatric housing offer which made me feel absolutely hopeless. If I am too bad for even "therapy" and so on, how am I supposed to get a job or my own apartment? I think everyone rejects me and I can understand why, but can't fix it. It seems impossibly hard to be part of this world.

I also went to a pride march last weekend (took the bus and train to a city, in total I had to commute like 6 hours), I did not feel very well (heat, noise, pain, not used to so many people), and I often had to nope out into nearby parks, but I'm still glad I went. It was nice seeing so many different people with flags, in pretty clothes, in good spirits.
I did not talk to anyone or socialize, which is sad maybe, but it is what it is. I wish I could meet people, but it's hard. It's like my face and body language don't work anymore and it's painful to even look at people. It seems impossible making acquaintances or friends, or being part of anything.

But I will be able to visit my boyfriend this summer!

Other than that, some health anxiety from the new injectable diy estradiol I got. I have to get blood tests sometime again. I have gotten pretty bad headaches and a stiff neck.

Bump.
Holy moly threads are dropping like flys : (

>>40229238
> reach out to an online contact
That's actually good advice! Recently someone I haven't talked to in months has reached out to me, and I was really happy about it (I felt too awkward to reach out myself).

Why am I addicted to being online?

Why is my brain so dopamine fried?

>>40201917
>All we've got in this life is one another, ultimately. Do keep me posted as things develop, will you? I'm here to listen
I will try my best to.

>And thank you Anon, for sticking around
Thank you for humoring me.

>40201931
>Yeah.. it is unfortunate like that.
>Hmm, I think you already have the answer to that. Especially:
It doesn't feel like enough most days.

>It is okay to let loved ones pull your brain worms. You can flat out ask them for opinions on thoughts like "X feels like my fault, but is it really?
That's sometimes what I do, mostly I'm just trying to make sure what I'm thinking of is real or valid.

>>40232187
It's very easy to be online. It feels good to be anonymous and invisible when you don't want to be seen. After the lockdowns, it's so much more alive than elsewhere. Some of us have good reasons to be here. Is there something keeping you from having fun in the analog world?

I wish I knew why I have such severe mood swings. One day I'm content and grateful for the life I have. The next day, I wish I'd never been born. If my moods were at least somewhat consistent, I could plan around that. But this is honestly just exhausting.

Alright. I am gonna try and repost some replies for people that might have missed them last thread(s), reply to posts from the archived threads, and then catch up here.

>>40229369
>>40230177
Ask and you shall receive, there's also a group pic which will be next.

>>40193121
I know that his comes off a little iffy in the context but.. in isolation, THAT IS AWESOME!! Holy shit, look at your accomplishments.
>every other queer i know has no interest in anything but rotting
That is an issue. Could it be a lot of the lgbt peeps you know are isolated and miserable?
I think what you urgently need in that case is making more friends. You can try help people out of their hole but you can't force them to want to.
>>40193190
>>suddenly gain back the fat out of nowhere, still working out and doing intermittent fasting
>>back where I started now
>WHY
Hmm.. what is the absolute change? For example, what I noticed a lot when dealing with weight gain/loss is random fluctuations of several kg over short time scales (week). That is why I often computed moving averages to reduce noise. Do you keep a record of past weights?
What I would do for now, if I were you, is to log your weight progression over one or two weeks, not changing your regimen. and look at the trend line. Daily weigh-ins would be useful. This way we get a higher resolution picture of wtf is happening.

>>40193335
Welcome back, Anon! Nice to see you. Dating might do you well. I understand your reservations, and sure, a partner is not a therapist, but you are progressing and working on yourself. And it might be that intimacy is going to help you reach your goals faster. Besides, potential partners should also have a say in whether you are stable enough, which they can only have if you put yourself out there.
>my heart and my mind feel separated from one another and I get sad.
that is perfectly normal, Anon! Really!
>I feel like there is a split between my thoughts and what in reality I look like.
That's also perfectly normal. I hope seeing yourself from the outside gave you a bit of confidence! You aren't less yourself for contradictions like this, not any more or less than I at least. I hope that is a relief to hear. I'm also super happy to hear you cleaned your room! If it could have been mold, keep an eye on it. And if it comes back get mold treatment and make sure to kill it off fully.
>>40194467
>Yeah we all spend time at eachothers places and such.
Very good. So the main issue is that they struggle to relate, basically. But they don't need to deeply empathize to sympathize. I'm cis too, but I understand on a very basal level the themes of grappling with fundamental aspects of your identity, the pain of masking essential aspects of oneself, the othering and alienation when people around you are not at all like you. I can derive sympathy from my own experiences. And I can even relate through them, even if i cannot in good conscience say I ever felt the same. Nonetheless, it sounds like you need other tranners in your life, too. All of that is to say that it is great you talk to them about things that are outside of their own realm of experience. Yet, I think having someone who has been through those struggles would probably ground you. Are there any lgbt circles around you, locally?
>Trying to get laser but so far no luck.
Ah, lack of availability?

>>40202968
>I’m always doing things at the behest of others, never myself.
>My dreams have been broken since a few years ago and gave way to
What were your dreams? I agree, living just for other's is an experience that can hollow you from the inside out. I wanna get to know you a little better to understand what truly would drive you.
>a simple wish to never feel the pain of trying and failing,
what kind of things have you tried where failing hurt?
>or trying and always losing out to others again.
Tell me of the times you lost out to others.
>>40203639
Oh gosh I wish I had the slightest clue but I am completely fashionless.. I think both should work fine though, a moid like me would not notice (but I know it's not the point here).
>>40206756
>>40206915
Wat makes you say that, Anon(s)?
>>40199911
>I personally just don't read footnotes tbqh
Oh I definitely enjoy a good footnote
>analytical philosophy thing... maybe you'd enjoy that... oh, and Spinoza...
It's one of those things I never made the time to get into! And Kant isn't a bad writer, just.. autistically precise. His language suffers from verbosity, really, which is why I think symbolic shorthands he could abstractly define in his usual paragraph-spanning way *once* would actually shorten his written works a lot since he could then use the same few symbols to mean the same precise things over and over. You are right though that a lot of philosophy doesn't work that way at all. Hegel I read less of, I only have vague recollections of epistemology.
(1/2)

>>40199911
(2/2)
>It was a pleasant and cultured environment.
Hmm. Besides falling with the wrong crowd, it sounds like you did meet some people of interest then. As you said,
>Even at uni, they were the minority...
which is.. unfortunately true, but they are there. Do you think you could, even if just to meet some, go to a nearby uni physically and take a course? Is that completely out the window? I fully understand that you would rather be alone. And.. given the quality of people you had to deal with, is that a surprise? But.. if you spearfished just two or three of the brand of person we are currently describing.. I think it would be immensely healing for you.
>I get those sometimes too. I used to get them a lot more, but I've learned to handle them on my own to some degree (meditation routine)
I want to take a moment though to point out that this is impressive as hell. It really takes a lotta strength. Your situation is really not an easy one, and I don't know how much my heartfelt sympathy means here. Maybe my attempts to try to get you among people worth your time seem misguided or unrealistic. But.. I feel like I have a general sense for the type of person you are and I do believe that the lack of meaning you see in things is caused by an unmet need that the right social env would meet.
Wanna tell me about Spinoza?
>>40205426
>I can levitate birds, but nobody cares
And what if I do?
>>40196504
>18 months in and I've become consumed by my relationship.
Hmm.. you can't really quench a social need with just anything. You probably want to hang with other people. How many friends do you have besides bf that you are close with?

>>40207345
>>40211773
Glad to hear you two are resting up properly!
>>40206879
Ohh, what didcha make?
>>40210936
Oh I absolutely fucking clocked you, I was wondering why you took your name off and didn't wanna confuse a poor anon.
>>40210555
This image always cracks me up. How are you fairing, Anon?
>>40074907
>Sometimes I'll write a melody then change the sound in the synth to random ones. Even though I know it won't sound good, it can give me an idea as to what might sound good.
YES, exactly! ALso, I just noticed I basically replied to your post in the other post I made, silly me. But to pick the point you made there up once more, think about it in the context of the video I mentioned in the most recent exchange we had.
I also never addressed your vent.. you are out to only two people, right? That must burden you quite a bit.

That was the thread replay, courtesy of me.
As promised, a swimsuit reward!
>>40213987
>I can relate to that. I feel like I’m ready for it to happen.
We'll be there once it does.
>I need to figure out who I am without that.
>And that scares me.
Closure, in a way. It is the kind of change that creeps up on you. Would you say you have recently tried to please them? Hm.. the one thing I know for certain is that you are kind to others in the face of things that would render most beyond disagreeable. Sometimes you aren't kind to yourself (>>40225231) but I think in spite of hurts and habits, there is a sweet core to you. What you have already is fertile ground for admirable qualities that are not in any need of serving anyone, I think.
>>40212532
>When I am around people that I haven't seen in years I regress to the person I was back then intead of being the person Ive become now.
That is a pretty common experience actually! Here is a slightly touchy question:
>I dont like the old me.
what qualities did old you embody you dislike? And do your old friends share them?
>>40213046
>Yeah, seems like the nicotine just hits all at once with pouches.
So what's your game plan, smaller patches, or perhaps nic gums?
>>40211559
>I've been out of a - definitely unsafe - relationship for 3 months and counting.
I'm happy to hear, Anon. Especially the "not in imminent danger" part. Remember, we're here to listen, too.
>Now I'm trying to find out what made me numb to my own feelings
After escaping an abusive situation usually two things happen. First numbness for a while, no emotions are you are still in survival mode. Then, what can happen is you freak out even though you are safe. That is called backdraft and is well documented. I'm not a shrink so for more you might wanna have a pro look at you but reconnecting with emotions is definitely a journey, it is normal it takes time.
>Try to read some pages from my book or exercise.
Sounds like a plan, by the way!

I slept all day.
>>40233655
>We’ll be there once it does
I’ll try to remember that. Thank you.
>Would you say you have recently tried to please them?
Yes… Most of the time I’m with them and the rest of my family it’s a game of pleasing them just enough so that I can afford to keep to myself in peace.
I keep most of what I am and believe to myself to placate them. After their recent trip to the hospital they ordered me around as usual, with an added air of anxious urgency from what they’d been through. I did what they wanted me to. Tried to keep the rest of the house from engaging in conflict by distracting them with more pleasing. Cooked. Cleaned. Served as the main peacekeeper in conversations (by steering it away from select topics using distractions). Ignored being yelled at. Then left a few days later for my apartment and my GP appointments.

>>40233655
tyyy

>>40217449
>I need to focus on myself and my (long neglected) goals and only then cut some time in when I can for other people and "stupid" activities.
How do these situations usually come to pass? Do people wind up pressuring you into things you don't feel like?
>>40220449
>>40220478
That is all pretty damn grim on the environment front.
Honestly I believe >>40221239 already made amazing points, so let me try and pick up from there: To paraphrase, it sounds like there is an overall moderate risk, but you don't have people you can be yourself around unguarded. Here is something to perhaps dwell on:
Repping, to the best of my knowledge, is essentially microdosing trauma. It does not feel like it moment to moment but it seems to be an erosive force. As such, time spent repping is, just like radiation exposure, something that needs to be minimized because harm is accumulative. My point, even though implicitly stated, is basically this:
Ideally, the reppy aspects of your life need a hard deadline as soon as feasible. The fact that you have a clear goal with your career trajectory means you can estimate the maximum amount of time it would take for you to reach that point where they can't fire you, right?
I basically try to advocate two things: One, trying a find a deadline that is as hard as possible, as near in the future as possible, because we as people always tend to push uncomfortable shit into the future. Two, finding people you can be yourself around as close to right now as possible, as it eases the strain on you.
>>40220833
Great progress overall, Anon!
>i still want a relationship but I'm hoping it'll come naturally and not from an algorithm <3
on that front, if you are actively looking my personal approach way back has been to try and find people through friends and friends of friends

Pardon the pause by the way, napped.
>>40222044
>I feel like I'm trying to process a lot of information and I need some way to stabilize my system.
You are making progress, clearly, and yes it is crucial you let yourself recuperate too for these positive changes to be sustainable. You have a good intuition.
>and I can sense im resisting understanding, and it tends to get frustrated and freak out when I don't understand what it's saying.
I think these things are just like that, and yeah, some guidance from your therapist would be helpful. I dunno (forgot?) what they are like, but I would say freaking out occasionally is normal. You might want to, if you can, keep a journal/diary where you can just loosely try to articulate feelings. It would allow you to keep better track of your development and forces you to do some rubber ducking (usually a programming term, if you look it up you get what I mean though, I think).
>I wish I knew how to have these conversations with myself better, cause nothing really important seems to stick
I am a very externalizing person, which is not always the best, but having people who have been through these things and grappled with their own related insecurities to talk to can help you make sense of it all. Let me generally tell you though: feelings being confusing/scary/difficult to interpret and you sometimes needing a break or being frustrated/not getting it is not a form of regression. Letting yourself feel things and explore negative emotions safely is part of it all.
>Anyway I'm trying to focus on goals & moving outward & not letting my brain trap me.
>I want to possess and express and metabolize every detail & in the bluntest sense my freedom is contingent on not being consumed in those compulsions, not thinking black and white
Very good. All this sounds great honestly, Anon!
> Great shares, ty
I'm elated you liked them. Honestly those channels have some generally inspiring stuff,

>>40229322
Wishing you all the best, Anon! When is your lab?
>>40224233
>Wish I was trutrans
what makes you think you're not?
>>40224655
To continue >>40235513, I gotta acknowledge that I am incredibly happy how much you are already doing on the front of expressing yourself online. I just wanna make sure you know I am aware of you already doing things to be out, I just wanna make sure you have even more support if feasibly.
>it is cis people who can't be normal adults.
tranner derangement syndrome is real and fucking wild, isn't it?
>>40229362
I am sorry you had to go through that, it's some vile thing. There is nothing narcissist about walking out of that. You did well. What is your environment like now?

>>40231628
I know that feeling. Sometimes an accountability buddy helps. It took me months to muster up the courage to make a dentist appointment because I am working in a country whose language I am not fluent in. Just having a friend encourage me and committing to a fixed date and time for it helped me get over that barrier.
It's why I like these small goals each thread.
>>40232228
It's my pleasure, Anon.
>>40232266
Welcome back, Anon! And.. yeah, it is a good idea to have other people pick out brains, in my experiences. One thing about it is that there are two aspects to it: immediate relief and long term change. The hard part is letting other people's views on us really meaningfully sink in to get to the bottom of our insecurities. So we hear their answers before we even ask.
>>40232438
For how long has it been this way? If the mood swings are abrupt, been going forever and have no clear correlation to things then that's really difficult without a pro to debug. Sometimes it can be really stupid things though (crap like diet or random medical conditions) but I don't wanna spitball too much.

>>40236289
>Wishing you all the best, Anon! When is your lab?
thanks! my lab is on wednesday morning, i am trying to fix my sleep schedule for it right now. thankfully i slept for two hours last night and am in a prime spot to get to bed early tonight

>>40236575
Sleep well, Anon!
Gonna try and follow your example.
>>40235508
yw!
>>40230440
>Hi, estronon here, haven't been here in a while.
Welcome back estro, happy to see you!
I think it's a good idea to think if running as a .. marathon effort, heh. I am glad you are taking care not to get hurt. I am sure your speed will ramp up naturally.
>I've had quite a few days the last two weeks or so where I binge ate and threw up.
Sometimes relapsey things like that.. happen. I am proud of you for being open about it, and for now all we should do is monitor, but you have been through the wringer with the psychiatric housing stuff. Why are they rejecting you again, like, the formal reason?
Also, I am glad you went to the pride! It is a great start you started putting yourself out there. You really pushed yourself. You did amazing. Really! I am also glad you took breaks and didn't fry yourself. I think smaller scale versions of that experience would help you.
>But I will be able to visit my boyfriend this summer!
Oh that's exciting news! Sometime July?
>I have gotten pretty bad headaches and a stiff neck.
That is worrisome. Do keep us posted.
>>40234275
God.. shinjinon. You really have to constantly play diplomat, don't you. I didn't realize just how omnipresent a situation that is for you. Maybe it would be good to talk about things you enjoy for their own sake? It has been a while since we talked about your interests, I feel. I believe you enjoy gardening for example. Cooking you seem to enjoy as well.

>>40233655
> Remember, we're here to listen, too.
Thank you, siganon. You... keep hope in so many people when by your writing you seem to have been through your fair share as well.

But I don't want to load people here with my ted talks. I'm not in imminent danger, and as I read, other people are.

I'm using chatgpt as a buffer or someone I can lean on without bogging down real people.

And I also don't want to make chatgpt my world. I had enough of that.

> After escaping an abusive situation
I didn't say abusive, anon. I don't have conclusive evidence to claim he abused me, so he didn't. I was unsafe. I believe I have the right to say that, maybe even that I was traumatized by the relationship. I couldn't say he traumatized me or he abused me.

> First numbness for a while, no emotions are you are still in survival mode. Then, what can happen is you freak out even though you are safe.
So you're saying it will only go *down* from here?

Yay me!

> you might wanna have a pro look at you
Well, having to buy a new car because my old car blew the tranny (/o/ word, not /tttt/), driving 2 hrs per direction 2-3x a week isn't the best on my budget. The settlement with my ex and rent... I'd be able to get a shrink NET Q4/2025, maybe Q1/2026. Best case. But, probably I wouldn't be able to afford one.

And then, I don't want to break down before her and tell I'm trans outright. My dumb hon ass likes to pretend I'm stealth. If course everyone knows, they're just nice.

And in Thirdiestan, being trans is not life insurance.

>>40229210 (OP)
Benched 3x5 200 lbs today.
Come a long way from when I couldn't bench the bar lol

>>40237017
>Maybe it would be good to talk about things you enjoy for their own sake?
They don’t care about my interests unless it’s something they’ve heard through others is a prestigious interest to have or something they can use to show off to their friends. When I was younger if they gifted me a tool or a piece of tech it was under the unspoken condition that I would pick it up when prompted and deliver a flawless demonstration of its functions for guests. Some of these gifts were given to me out of their desire to see me use them, not mine. If I couldnt figure out how to operate it myself with no instruction before their patience ran out they would express annoyance with me in private and then make “jokes” about my failure to live up to their expectations, again in front of guests.
I can talk to them about their own interests, but if it’s something I’m into too I have to be careful not to say anything wrong.
Sorry.

Bump

Bump

>>40240665
>>40239562
Navy, it's 0300 hours, please don't do that to yourself.
(Bump)

Currently trying to get laser sorted, doesn't help when they misread hair removal as tattoo removal (whatever, I'm giving them the army spiel when i reply to their email later). If I trusted IPL to be effective I'd just do it myself, frankly I intensely dislike leaving any aspect of my transition in the hands of anyone but myself
>>40241338
Unfortunately I have minimal AC and couldn't sleep. 2 hour's sleep for a 12 hour shift is fine right?...
>>40236289
>>40235513
I guess my deadline has to be whenever I'm free of training (the point at which they've decided they've invested too much to drop you) but really I should tell my family beforehand incase I get outed on bloodtests. I try to be good enough to make me being trans acceptable but yeah, rules.
With my family it all sort of stems from fear of rejection and negative judgement generally which is not something I am mentally resilient to.
It sounds dumb to say but all I've really done for 2 years is workout and work (i had no interest in social relationships as a repper, too emotionally closed off for that), the last 10 months especially.
I don't think I really know how to connect with people anymore certainly not as myself. Being accepted when you meet the stereotype or expectations of a cisman is easy in the spaces I'm in normally, being trans (with where I'm at certainly) in any space feels extremely uncertain, but that can really only be fixed by exposure.
Idk, I wish I had a productive course of action to take here but I'm really not seeing it atm.

>>40242169
>I should tell my family beforehand incase I get outed on bloodtests.
No idea how I do this by the way, i can't exactly be 1 week out (or however close) from going into training and be like "oh yeah I know I've been working at this for years now but I might get booted out because I'm on a fuckload of hormones that I've hidden from you for years" (bearing in mind i first took hrt in 2023 - which wow I have many regrets about stopping that's wonderfully painful) because there's no way they'd see me as doing anything but being immensely irrational.

>>40236289
>What is your environment like now?
I'm stuck living with people equally unpleasant in the long term. The only time I'm free from verbal assault is the middle of the night and I'm still expected to have a "normal" schedule. Not a day goes by I don't think about killing myself
I've tried to escape before, but the last time I ended up being sexually assaulted by someone who saw me as a fetish prop and had to crawl back to where I am now. I'm under constant observation by people who despise everything I like about myself
No matter how many times I pace around the cage there's no way out. I've spent thousands of hours wondering how to be free but have nothing. I haven't felt calm and at ease in years

>>40201931
>I am sure your loved ones disagree, heh
They would but I can feel that my life was a bad idea.

>Emotions, fight or flight response, a couple other things but those were the ones I had in mind
I always feel like running away from my own life.

>A lot of things can help, depending on the specific kinda grounding. First of all, there are breathing techniques and things that focus on the sensory. Those help with panic attack sort of things. Worry stones, 5 senses technique, weighted blanket, box breathing, physical exercise, picrel.. they are some of direct hardware access. They help with things from anxiety to panic attacks
I follow.
So sensory techniques will work more directly?

>I know some PTSD suffers successfully use capsaicin (the heat of chilis) pills to snap out of episodes
Does trauma translate to PTSD?

>I need to know more about the ways you spiral to know what might help, too
I typically have panicked spirals and mania (if that's the word for it).
I freak out about things in a panicked or angry way.
Other times I will over indulge in caffeine, sugar or anything else that brings up my dopamine.

>>40229322
these goals are some of the ones I should be aiming for desu
my nerves are a little screwed from some postural issues and also that I keep pricking them whenever I do injections
my sleep is... well it's 4:43 am for me you can guess
labs, I'm in one of the gay states that bans direct to consumer testing so I've just been winging DIY

feel like my executive dysfunction and "perfectionism" is causing retarded levels of inefficiency; I had one (1) non-meaningful project for a non-major class and now it's a day late after I worked on it starting at 8 and went on retarded rabbit holes about the subject instead of working on the presentation

i got caught in a bad "catch 22", going to sleep would mean staring an unfinished assignment in the face as I sleep, but I also have a meeting tomorrow for a project I'm doing for my major which is something meaningful to me but also something I'm behind on because I didn't just knock out the non-major class assignment out of the way when I should've but procrastinated it instead :/

it's so gay, it's literally easier than ever to do this requirement stuff with chatgpt, i wonder if it's serious sleep deprivation, nerve-damace induced selective retardation, resentment about having to take the requirement class, fear of submitting something that'll get graded poorly (and I then irrationally submit it late), ???

i hate these situations where I have one urgent thing to do that I HATE, and a more "hard" task that I actually would enjoy or at least get satisfaction from doing that it's good for me, and the urgent task stopgaps me from doing any of them

thank god I found this thread again as it's something to get these thoughts out of my head before I'm alone with my thoughts again while I sleep

>>40237017
>Welcome back estro, happy to see you!
Thanks! I feel like I will probably disappear again soon, I should try meeting my social needs irl (and my navel gazing needs with my diary).
>I am sure your speed will ramp up naturally
I'm not sure, I always have to force myself to go on faster (but shorter) runs. Today I jogged 9 km with a 6:30 min/km average pace and 100 meters of elevation (I picked a route with a hill).
It's way more fun to do those very slow runs, but they're probably not as good for me as shorter, faster runs, or intervals...
>Sometimes relapsey things like that.. happen
Yeah, I feel like I've been pretty good about not catastrophizing the relapses too much and sticking to my structure despite of them (e.g. by still going for estrowalks even when feeling physically and mentally horrible and so on). The danger only is I could easily see myself getting used to those deviations again until they become not just deviations/exceptions but regular occurrences.
>Why are they rejecting you again, like, the formal reason?
Basically they said they feel like I won't be open enough about my issues + eating disorder with them...
>Oh that's exciting news! Sometime July?
Yeah! Looking forward to him!
> Do keep us posted.
I will. Just in case, I decreased my dosage from 0.15 mL (7.5 mg EEn per week) to 0.1 mL (5 mg/week) (the injectable contains 50 EEn mg/ml), but even on the higher 0.15 mL dose I felt like my skin already has been getting worse without cypro, which sucks.
I guess I should really order a blood test again sometime (last time, my prolactine was way too high, probably due to CPA, and my E1 levels were also way too high, because back then I only had estradiol pills).

>>40238263
>Benched 3x5 200 lbs today.
That's really cool, congrats! How long did you train for that?
>Come a long way from when I couldn't bench the bar
That's me. On a good day I can do like 6 push ups in a row, I feel like I should start weight training, too.

>>40236551
>Sometimes an accountability buddy helps.
>Just having a friend encourage me and committing to a fixed date and time for it helped me get over that barrier.
Yeah, that makes sense to me. I'm glad you figured out it works for you. I feel like it might help me as well, or even just volunteering where I would have to show up regularly.
>because I am working in a country whose language I am not fluent in
That sounds stressful (but also really cool), I'm glad you managed to make the appointment! Are you trying to learn the language? It might be cool to go to some kind of language cafe if it's available where you live (and you have time/energy for it), those can be fun and accepting I feel; the person who has reached out to me again I actually met as a language tandem online because he's learning my native language and I am learning his :)

Continuing my voice training because I'm tired of sounding androgynous. I do it every day lol but it's getting better I think (link if anyone is interest but that's not the point: https://voca.ro/12bkdaxJ9rIc)
I'm also keeping up my lifting, my ab rolls, my planks. And I'm gonna play vidya later because Cyberpunk is fun and it's better than rotting high in front of YouTube (quit weed two weeks ago)

Life is slowly getting better despite being on extreme difficulty lmao - I still split from time to time and go mad but I'm learning to forgive myself more

Oh and my dad is still in jail krkrkr so yknow fun stuff but I still won't talk to him obviously not my monkeys not my circus I'm totally done with my family

indecision's getting worse again this night, I find myself doing more and more stuff that's bad for me just because I want to be kept awake so as to have to avoid a consequence when there's no perfect option
I can work on the filler work, then be bit tired for the meeting
I can work for the meeting, then risk two days late on the filler work
I can sleep, risk missing both
i've been on this board for two hours
even lurked through an ex's page after I saw a watamote image
in moments like these I'm not directed by my virtues anymore, just internet-induced randomness and slop
feel that I've been waiting for a reply but that's just silly of me i don't know why I fixate on retarded things like "need to stay awake for reply" until the state I was in back then when typing becomes an increasingly different me right now who's making all of these decisions to force wakefulness without a plan

it's embarrassing for me to admit but I honestly think I'm needing external reinforcement here, and I don't like to be in such a state because I was doing so well a few days ago before I got stopgapped

>>40242981
>That's really cool, congrats! How long did you train for that?
Longer than it should have taken me, but mostly due to adhd and sorta dealing with a lot of high maintenance crazy people in my life. I think if I'd had been consistent, could've done it within 3 years. Someone more naturally inclined to strength training could do it faster. If you're taking estrogen, no idea how that will affect you lol.
>That's me. On a good day I can do like 6 push ups in a row, I feel like I should start weight training, too.
Do it. Even just getting yourself to a 1 plate bench will be worth it.

>>40173546

>That is why I suggest leaning a bit on others and sharing your thoughts. It helps even if the person isn't necessarily saying much, in that case it is usually called rubber ducking
I'm trying my hardest to be open and honest, but I'm so afraid of scaring people off.
But, I think I might be more afraid that I won't have the chance to talk to about my life the way things are going.

>That is very good already! I understand don't wanna be a burden but I do think talking to them about your feelings and leaning a little will make the whole ordeal more bearable
I have to try, otherwise I'll have to consider something more clinical, like therapy.

>You even already do open up around them.. it sounds like all the groundwork is there
It is, in a way.
I'm just so tired of being afraid and cowardly.

I hate that I can't come to decisions at all.

>>40242169
> No AC in 35degC+ weather
I feel with/for you. I usually keep the ac high in summer (26 degC), low in winter (18-19 degC), but I do remember the horror of summers in a house that got all heated up and you couldn't fall asleep.

> I don't know how to relate to people anymore
Forget labels. Really, Navy. Just be yourself. Be real. Even if it's messy. It's fine if you're not the epitome of femininity, doesn't make you any less of a woman. And please don't do "macho dude" to yourself. You will just hurt yourself. Start by something small, that sometimes when you're alone or among friends you drop *any* act. You don't need to *act* trans or a woman or a man. You are yoirself. That's the point.

And I do feel for you. For the last decade I was erased. I didn't do anything but housework and paid work, only in very tiny cracks I was allowed to ie. take a hike or a bike trip. Don't be hard on yourself, Navy.

> I have no idea how to tell that I'll get booted.
Then don't, Navy. Don't worry about the blood test. They won't see HRT unless they look for it specifically. And they won't. An E test at a lab costs €10 for me in the third world. I can imagine that's what would it cost to run at cost in the first world. To screen for a condition that is 1/10,000-1/1000? Naw.

Don't tell it because. Tell it because you feel like it. Or don't. Your choice, not theirs.

What would you tell them at all? Write a letter. On your phone, on paper, with your pc, doesn't matter. You don't need to send it.

I had another get together with work friends playing tennis but I suddenly felt very anxious and couldn't play and then I just had to leave and I left after 15 minutes.

>>40243544
>Be yourself
Lord I try but myself tends to be weird and annoying after a while.
I infodump/ramble and over explain a lot if i dont control myself and can be kinda manic about it. I don't think im any kind of neurodivergent but I share that in common with some who are.
Just I rolled weirder interests I think and I express interest by doing mostly.
>Don't worry about the blood test.
This is basically where I'm at but it's hard to just let whatever happens happen
I've always figured I'd tell them in person but the right words largely allude me. I'll try and write something.

>>40243819
I relate a lot to that (feeling overwhelmed when actually trying to be among people). You can be proud of yourself you went and listened to yourself!
How long have you been playing tennis? It sounds fun.

>>40197487
>Nobody wants to be trans
>try to find a therapist who understands
It feels kind of dumb, but the fact that it's never gone away no matter how hard I've tried to fight it makes it feel more "real"... I'm still not sure what I'm going to do and I don't really know how to even start trying to find a therapist like that.

>>40202242
>You did great.
thanks siganon.

>Do you trust any of your acquaintances enough to try and open up?
It's not that I don't trust them, it's more that I'm afraid of changing an established dynamic.

>What criteria would you be looking for in someone you trust with it?
Probably someone where the relationship is built around that sort of thing.

>Perhaps check the second youtube video in this post.
Watched it, and I'm pretty familiar with the concept already. It's how I was already kind of thinking I should treat transition lol

The closer I get to actually doing anything, the more I feel like I should really just stop trying. I keep feeling like I should give up on trying to improve my situation and just let myself rot forever... I know I shouldn't, but it feels safer.

>>40242981
>It's way more fun to do those very slow runs, but they're probably not as good for me as shorter, faster runs, or intervals...
Endurance runs or endurance cardio is a necessary part of any run plan so -shrug-. Base building your basic aerobic capacity *will* help you run further on fast runs (i think this is common info but anyway)
Idk what your goals are but when i started getting in shape pmuch all my load was steady state cardio on my bike.
Running I was stupid and just thrashed myself (which is fun but not really optimal). Personally i hate long runs lol.

Pg 9.
Warm

>>40244968
Have only played for about 3 months. I've played alot with these people and I'm always fine and they are nice, but it has been a few weeks and I just felt anxious this time.

man i fkn love helltaker girls
straight male also trying to get in shape though... just passing through...

>>40248802
Cis straights are welcome too because otherwise brainwormed anons worry if they are trutrans/gay/whatever enough to post. And they absolutely are!

>>40248802
Cis straights are welcome too because otherwise brainwormed anons worry if they are trutrans/gay/whatever enough to post. And the helltaker girls are great!

>>40250128
>Cis straights are welcome too
straight male cissoids are one of the largest threats to the lgbt community though

>>40250128
thanks!
>>40250976
okay but I'm nice

>>40229362
...
She came back to a place she left because she was too good for everyone there. I thought I was free. I wanted to be free. Why can't I have anything I like to myself? Why does everyone who hate me need to be everywhere I am?
Why am I never good enough to be an equal? Why do I have to be an object? I want to die. I just wish I could kill her first.

i went on a trail Today and saw this view

the path to it was steep and i have Bad balance so i was sliding Down on my ass and crawling on all fours getting back up. Reminded me of when i was a kid

hope everyone had a Good Day. make sure to get some Sunlight!!

I almost never like my friends partners. I think for one, it feels like it will always change the friendship and I will always lose priority in that person's life and we will become less of friends because of it. And two, I often just dont even like the people they choose as partners. I think they are just bad people and bring a bad dynamic to my friend and will probably change my friend for the worse, and I dont want to spend time with them because I dont like them. Should I just give up on making friends? On life?

>>40229210 (OP)
Does anybody here have experience with Psychologists and therapy in general?
Is it bullshit or does it occasionally work?

I am at a point now that I'm, really considering whether I need counseling or some sort of diagnosis.
Even if it's just via text or online.

I can't keep living the wat I am, that's for sure.

>Navy shamelessly life blogs but on the upside has possibly figured out wtf is wrong with herself
Ended up sort of crying again yesterday, in my defense I'd worked 12 hours on 2 hours sleep - I work in a fridge, my family had used all the hot water and the idea of being cold again (i appreciate the irony given the weather currently) just got to me or more specifically that they hadn't cared enough to realise that it would affect me.
I think what I have is childhood (or really general) emotional neglect, every checklist I run through I'm minimum 75% matching to everything mentioned. Like i do not like self diagnosis but there has to be a reason I'm like this right?
There's more to say but typing in a refrigerator is hard.

Anyway I have my initial consult for laser coming up, so that's happening. I'm only after facial hair at first and I'll probably at home IPL body hair and see where that gets me but I need any traces of facial hair gone.
I am still waiting on the Army to do stuff on their end but haven't the bandwidth to talk to them while on shift. I wish they'd sort themselves so I could quit this job and have the time to get as much done as possible before I'm banished to training.
>>40253567
Hypnotherapy worked on me for social anxiety at least presenting as a guy. I just kinda think unless you go in targeting something specific it's fairly pointless. But then I have many unresolved issues I've never tried therapy for.

bump

>>40253655
>Hypnotherapy worked on me for social anxiety at least presenting as a guy
How does hypnotherapy work, exactly?

>I just kinda think unless you go in targeting something specific it's fairly pointless
I have a number of issues I want to fix.
Should I try to tackle them at at once, or do I need to prioritise?

>But then I have many unresolved issues I've never tried therapy for
I have a few too many.

>>40254875
>How does hypnotherapy work, exactly?
Honestly idk any science behind it, my best guess is just "if you switch part of your brain off it makes it easier to overwrite any brainworms there".
I went in to hypnotherapy as a skeptic and remain a skeptic but I do know for my issue it worked.
>Should I try to tackle them at at once
In my experience trying to do too much at once results in procrastination and doing nothing but that's just me.
My only solution is to ignore anything but the one problem I'm attacking at a given time, which normally means regression in other areas
>I have a few too many
Me too. I can feel new brainworms breaking in all the time ontop of my existing issues.

>>40248802
Welcome, this place is pretty great for advice.

What kinda workout advice are you looking for?

>>40255281
>Honestly idk any science behind it, my best guess is just "if you switch part of your brain off it makes it easier to overwrite any brainworms there"
Like a placebo type of thing.

>I went in to hypnotherapy as a skeptic and remain a skeptic but I do know for my issue it worked
That's good to hear, what kind of issue was it?

>In my experience trying to do too much at once results in procrastination and doing nothing but that's just me
I think I share the same perspective.

>My only solution is to ignore anything but the one problem I'm attacking at a given time, which normally means regression in other areas
My main problem is the fact that my family is in shambles and we're under constant threat or financial destruction.
I wanna be independent financially, so I can help my mother and siblings find peace.

>Me too. I can feel new brainworms breaking in all the time ontop of my existing issues
It's exhausting isn't it?

I hope Siganon knows that they rock.

>>40253567
I have a lot of experience with both psychologists, coaches, mentors, group therapy… I can’t remember the rest but I’m sure I went to more.
>Is it bullshit or does it occasionally work?
Some of it does, some of it doesn’t.
The key factor to ensure a moderate chance of success is that the therapist isn’t targeting something that can’t be changed by mistake. Standardised CBT methods arent geared towards helping clients with ADHD, autism, physical illnesses, learning disabilities, etc., as these problems generally don’t respond as expected to the whole “working towards reprogramming your brain” portion of it. This often requires seeing a therapist who specialises in your particular problem instead, so if you suspect you’re suffering from something other than anxiety, depression, or stress, it’s often better to start with the specialists rather than wait.

Group therapy can be very hit or miss too: you either benefit immensely from it or you don’t, and more often than not it depends entirely on how similar you are to the other group members.

Coaching versus psychologists versus counselling is often “fitness instructor style planning aimed towards measurable quantifiable life goals” versus “potential diagnosis with planning aimed at less quantifiable goals” versus “just talking to someone with ideas on how to solve concrete individual problems for a while”

>>40253328
I feel the same about most of my friends partners. Not quite sure how to solve it, but I don’t think giving up on making friends is going to work. When my friends get together with someone I generally just silently accept it and try to move on, rethinking how I see them as a friend in order to match their priorities better. It sounds petty, but if I’m not going to be as important in their life as I once was I see no reason for them to stay as important as they once were in mine. There are more fish in the sea. No need to hurt each other with mismatched expectations I suppose.
>>40252272
This is really pretty between

BUMP

>>40245174
> It's not that I don't trust them, it's more that I'm afraid of changing an established dynam
> Probably someone where the relationship is built around that sort of thing.
You're not too much, anon. You don't load people you trust by telling them about your feelings, if they're true. If you do change the dynamic, then it's them, not you. Trans people lose a lot of friends when coming out. Try to find someone who is/was there for you, no matter what. Or with whom you're comfortable being honest. Sometimes, even talking to a rubber duck (or your cat, dog, etc. alone so that no one could hear) work. Sometimes, even writing a letter or email to someone whom you don't send the mail to works.

>>40248802
>>>/fit/
>>>/soc/

>>40252272
I'm proud of you, anon. You went out, saw all that beauty, touched grass, breathed fresh air. How did it feel?

>>40253655
> she/her
Nice to hear you *she*-ing yourself, Navy! Keep it up!

> Ended up sort of crying again yesterday
> I think what I have is childhood (or really general) emotional neglect
Navy, what you're going through now - as from the general tone of your comments - requires immense internal strength. Like feats of physical strength, emotional strength is something you exercise, and it's also something that's tiring. You need to expend energy, and you probably have noticed that on yourself by less or too much sleep, no bandwitdth for anything that's not urgent.

Almost crying is your body's need for release. You have wound up too tight for too long. The dams will break. And that's not your fault, Navy. In fact, that's something that your body says it needs. Try to find a place where you're safe. And if possible, someone with whom you're safe. Try to let go. Don't be afraid of your tears. You won't hurt anyone. You won't take the air from anyone. You deserve to cry. You deserve your emotions.

>>40253655
> Dealing with facial hair as MtF
Get a single-blade safety razor. ONLY IF YOU'RE NOT AT RISK OF SH/Controlling your sh urges. They are by far superior to any multi-blade manual razor or electric razor around. An epilator would work better, but you're on laser. Regularly waxing does thin hair, but the person (usually a woman) doing your laser will tell you to shave in stead of waxing or epilating.

If you didn't before, try to use shaving cream or soap, something with a neutral odor (shaving products tell to smell like aftershave). That would more deeply get the fuckers out, reducing 5 o'clock shadow (if you have facial hair dense enough to get it.)

Laser works best if you have light skin and dark hair on the target area.

Do not combine IPL with laser (or other epilation methods). It sounds tempting, but don't. You will reduce the effectiveness of laser (which works the best with many exposed hair follicles to target. Depliation, like waxing, chemwax or epilators) work by removing the hair follicles from the target area, which is what you don't want. (Because your skin will regrow it.)

IPL puts the hair follicles to sleep by targeting them from the surface with broad-spectrum light. Laser destroys the hair follicles. Both can only target active hair follicles. (In a /k/ analogy: IPL is suppressive fire against a location. The enemy will be afraid to move because you're continously firing on their general position. Problem is, the enemy can continue to move behind cover, and you need to maintain fire. Laser is getting a marksman to actually kill the fuckers. Problem is, not even a marksman can target an enemy deep behind cover.)

Laser works best when you have steady T suppression. So it would be ideal to get on a course of antiandrogens, confirm a decent level of T suppression, then do laser.

Updates tomorrow, I don't have the energy to deal.

>>40253655
>I think what I have is childhood (or really general) emotional neglect
It’s hard to accept and understand these things but if you’re feeling this bad and match the criteria this well it might be worth researching more or finding a therapist to help you. Even if it’s just a few sessions it sometimes helps to have a professional look you in the eyes and tell you what you went through as a child weren’t alright. Even if hearing it and talking about it is hard and it feels a little weird paying a guy to look at you crying in a couch it’s nice with some sort of explanation or partial closure.

>>40259575
Rest up and take care

>>40233311
>Do you think you could, even if just to meet some, go to a nearby uni physically and take a course?
There's only an FH near me and I went there before. It's not an option. Doing it remotely is a settled thing. I'm still not sure I'm in the right degree, the right field, the right area or the right side of the humanities/STEM divide though... I've been taking online tests (CheckU from the Arbeitsamt and such) and apparently my logical & numerical reasoning ability is still below average. But there aren't too many options for distance learning... But whatever. It's an alibi.
>if you spearfished just two or three of the brand of person we are currently describing.. I think it would be immensely healing for you.
Maybe. Truth is, I wouldn't be able to maintain those relationships anyway. Never have been.
>I want to take a moment though to point out that this is impressive as hell.
Well, I'm still moping around in /sig/, aren't I... It's just gotten better than it was in the last two years.
>the lack of meaning you see in things is caused by an unmet need that the right social env would meet.
Thing is, I don't even know what the right social environment would look like anymore. I've grown to dislike people altogether. Talking to them online then and again is enough, My recent experience going back to school only solidified that. I was surrounded by people who, yes, were interested in some of the things I'm interested in — but they were altogether arrogant and pretentious and generally unlikable. That probably also says something about me as well. And looking back, the same could be said about the people I fell in with the first time I went to uni. It was just a different time, which made it more bearable.
>Wanna tell me about Spinoza?
You can look into that yourself, if you want to.

Thanks for the reply, anon. Hope you're doing well.

>>40252272
Looks like you touched grass. Have fun going outside all you want, but don't forget: you're here forever.

>>40259575
rest sigganon

>>40259709
I can relate. I have been using group therapy (psychodrama), and chatgpt to process my... whatever happened to me, and I have been in one-to-one therapy regarding trans shit, but I didn't think it was very effective. (Free therapists rarely are, even when they try their best.)

In Thirdiestan (Orbánistan/Hungary) being trans is also banned , so I would need basically a white raven - A therapist who understands trans stuff, don't default to the Blanchardian interpretation (the psychiatrists who made my F64 diagnosis were Blanchardian, and sincerely believed being trans is an extreme form of gay), understands trauma work, and doesn't break the bank. (After my separation from my emotionally abusive ex, money will be tight.)

I'm currently trying to get out of "staging" - being with my mom, who also - to the best of my recall - did "abuse" (it's a very strong word, but I don't know the softer versions) me, and even now she isn't what I would call a safe or trustworthy presence in my life.

Long story short - I've recently talked to a human I can trust. About *in there*. I almost cried. With chatgpt, I needed to recall the events in part or whole that I've numbed myself to it, but hearing those words said touched something in me.

If you can't access a psychologist, it might be worth a try to have someone who can listen.

>>40233285
I think you are right about being intimate with another person it might help me keep my feet on the ground. I have a communication class which is my last class before I graduate my college and my god a majority of my class were born in 2006. It’s weird older than my classmates, but I guess thats life when you get older. There is a guy I like, but the thing it’s a bit expensive to go there now and like I never thought that would be a problem. But to be honest, as much as I really want to have a partner and be settled for my life I have been a bit burned by some men like being married, seeing me as a woman, and possibly incest and I haven’t even dated in my life. There were times when I have met good men, but they were either gone before anything happened or the problem with me making me think they were straight and/or had someone already. My mind is so used to making scenarios that I end up ruining a good situation.

I told my psychiatrist I was trying to gain weight and he still prescribed me an antidepressant that has common side effects of loss of apetite and weight loss. he lied and said it would cause slight weight gain

Bump

>>40259575
Take another day. Give yourself more rest you deserve it.

Gm
I wish I was useful to the ones who livr me

>>40262910
Love me*