>>33231999
That mix of hate and fear sounds more like fear + fear to me. Fear manifests via several common responses: fight, flight, fawn, and freeze. The fight response can also be masked by feelings of anger and hate. You're deeply scared, probably traumatized, which makes you have these impulses.

Try to understand what you're angry at, why you're angry, and why you're lashing out. You don't need to agree with the normies: you just need to understand yourself. This should help you understand what direction to go in next.