>>40464751
You need to let go. Whatever image of this person you have constructed in your mind isn't real.
Focus on improving yourself and being happy single. That way when you fall in love with someone, you can be sure that you have a genuine connection.
Or something or other, IDK, I haven't started dating yet (young and still working on myself).

>>40464769
>do u have any suggestions on literature that i can read in my spare time?
Nope, I just read Wikipedia articles on different ideologies and theories and then spend my time thinking it all over to see what makes sense.
Some fun ones to get started with:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deontology
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotivism
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Compatibilism
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Conceptualism
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Principle_of_double_effect
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychological_egoism