>>33238707
Two big things.
1) Go get some therapy if you haven't already been. While mom's abusive behavior is hers and hers alone, 100% chance the whole family dynamic is fucked. Mom is/was clearly the victim of comperable behavior and likely other forms of abuse. Likely has some sort of PTSD and maybe other issues too (BPD perhaps). Chances she does this shit without realizing it in the moment and subconsciously rationalizes it as a form of "cair" due to her warped perspective. That dad let things get to this point at all implies he's passive to the point of being neglectful to both you AND mom. Again, likely doesn't realize he's even doing it, but those dynamics wouldn't/couldn't form otherwise. Finally, you're feeding this loop too in ways you don't realize and never will w/o some guided assistance. It's call "proximity blindness," is part and parsal with unhealthy/abusive family dynamics, and is a bitch.

2) This is a food for though: You haven't forgiven mom or moved on at all. Odds are you're just botteling. When a person has that legitimate "ah-ha" moment to get over an abusive family relationship, that's it. There's no regret, nothing to ponder, no desire to talk about it anymore, or ask advice. It's just done. I've lived it with both parents, as have many others I know well.

Bad news is mom will likely never change and will continue to be a source of pain as long as you keep her in your life. Likely dad too.
Good news is non of that pain is required and you're both free and capable to avoid it so long as you put in the time/work.